Sweet tea by Lori Frank

What is "ladylike"?

What does it mean to "ladylike"?  

I guess we all know that the term was used to describe the bearing and manners of a woman of high social rank back in the 1700-1800s.  But today does it still apply?  Do we still strive to carry ourselves this way?  Has our new casualness and gender neutrality rendered it archaic?  Do men still look for it or just notice it as quaint or fake?  

Grace Kelly- The ultimate princess.  Elegant and sleek.

In an informal poll these were some of the words used in association with Lady-likeness:

Classy, Mannerly, Feminine, Graceful, Confident, Elegant, Kindly, Socially Acceptable, Poised, Modest, Discrete, Proper, Restrained, Gentle, Stylish, Charming, Deferential, Dainty, Tender, and Nurturing. 

Even dressed casually The Duchess is pure lady.

I would have to agree that all of these words describe a facet of the "ladylike" woman I want to be.  

I can remember my mother teaching me about it.  I was probably  a terrible challenge to her regarding how to sit, how to walk, how to show respect, how to dress for various occasions, etiquette, and general feminine graces.  I remember being told it was disgracefully forward to ride in a car full of boys or worse yet to call them on the phone.  (Smile) To this day I can't leave home guilt free with no lipstick on, or with scuffs on my heels.  And heaven forbid I would have a handbag that did not match my shoes!  Wearing panyhose and a slip was the law!  I would die of embarrassment if I burped aloud in public.  I'd never discuss feminine issues with males if I could help it and if not, I'd blush.   Today, thanks to very chivalrous men in my life, I rarely if ever open a door for myself.  I love caring for my home, I love pretty clothes, I cry at sad movies,  and I enjoy being protected and provided for.   Thanks to the nurture of a great Mom, I can carry myself with ladylike poise and I'm confident enough to be myself.  Thanks to a Godly, manly man, I know what it's like to be cherished and treated like a lady.  But I believe being a lady is so much more than these superficial things.  

Mrs. Bush proves ladies can be feminine but strong!
Zooey is radiant and modest.  Best accessory is a smile!


Jordin is a great example of youthful and stylish modesty.

Such pretty posture.  What man would want to besmirch her? 

 

Being a lady is embracing your female-ness.  It's loving God's design for us to be helpers, nurturers and lovers.   It's delighting in experiencing the male-ness of gentlemen.  When we behave like ladies, we create gentlemen.  They respect us, cherish us, protect us, and lead us.  Do you wish the men or boys you are around were more chivalrous or tender or attentive?  Do you want to be respected?  Do you want to be irresistible, lovable, and valued to men?  Be a lady.  Men don't need a doormat, or a weakling, a princess, or a high-maintenance Diva.  But they do need to be reminded what they're fighting for.  What better way to point that out than to openly display a woman's heart, form, and function.  

Be powerful, driven to excellence, and fastideous.  But be a lady and remember the qualities that God deems precious.

Mrs. Graham, lady and leader. "You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."  I Peter 3:4

Lady Bird's Pickled Okra

    If you've ever been to Texas in the springtime you've probably been blessed by the beautiful Bluebonnets, Indian Paintbrush and other wildflowers blooming along the highways in the hill country region near Austin.  Their natural numbers were greatly developed and added to by a beautification project headed by a fabulous Texan, Lady Bird Johnson.  

 
Today's Kitchen project was to can some of her delicious "LBJ Ranch Pickled Okra".

Pickled okra done right is spicy, sweet and salty all at once.  It is so good alongside a yummy egg salad sandwich or a brisket sandwich.  Just don't forget the green onion !  The okra pods are small and tender right now and so inexpensive.  So I decided to can some to have on hand.  Here is the recipe.

3 # fresh small okra

8 hot peppers sliced down the center

8 cloves garlic

1 1/2 quarts vinegar

1 1/2 cups water

3/4 cup canning salt

1 1/2 Tbs. mustard seeds ( I used Ball mixed pickling spices)

 

Wash okra and pack into sterile jars

Add a pepper and garlic clove to each

Bring remaining ingredients to a boil.  Cover okra with hot liquid.  Fill to within 1/2 inch of rim.

Adjust lids and process in boiling water bath for 10 minutes.

I hope you try some Okra soon whether pickled, fried, or stewed with some vine ripe tomatoes.  Just remember it's all better with family and of course some Sweet Tea!

Porn, Lies and 50 shades of "Gray"

The following blog is of a sexual and adult nature.  If you choose to keep reading do so with this in mind:   

    Not a week goes by where I am not asked to advise and pray with a woman who is being hurt by porn.  These are christian women and men too for that matter.  But I can honestly say I was not ready for the deluge of questions I am getting from women asking if they should read 50 Shades Of Grey by E.L. James in order to "Jump start their libido or bring sizzle back to their marriage".  I am guessing this has to do with the fact that Dr. Oz recently gave it a resounding endorsement on his show claiming it can save your marriage.  While this book is not legally porn, but rather is identified as Erotic Fiction, it does contain explicit descriptions of sex between a middle aged man and a college student who was a virgin.  They engage in domination, bondage, spanking, and other things I am not comfortable mentioning. Women all across America are claiming it has changed the way they think about sex.  I'm thinking it is going to have desperate long term consequences for our society.  This is not a "gray" area but rather strictly forbidden in scripture.  "Anyone who looks upon a women with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.",  Matt 5:28.  I do agree that we have a serious problem in our churches in that they are not full of couples having great sex.  But in all my experience, bringing another entity ( images or words, devices, implements of torture, role- playing of an immoral liaison or bringing in additional actual people) into the bedroom with you and your spouse makes it worse.  Bringing in a false image of intimacy and pleasure and in many cases a demented one leads ultimately to diminishing fulfillment, objectification, victimization, guilt and dissatisfaction.  

    Let me be clear.  I think sex between married men and women should be fun, free and frequent.  I think couples should prioritize exploring sexual pleasure together.  I think they should let it be an overflow expression of love for the other's spirit and body.  I think it should end in mutual climax and unhindered intimacy based on a lifetime commitment and dedication to the other's best interest.  Sex like that pleases God.  It is His idea, His gift to us.  I will cover in a subsequent post ways to get free of a sexual addiction.  But for today, I want to give you several reasons why I believe porn is a problem and why I include even many steamy novels in this category.

1.  It creates lingering negative social and psychological responses:  The desire to view or access porn or erotica causes us to neglect our responsibilities, spend money we don't have, become sneaky and isolated, narcissistic, and have poor self- esteem.  There is an inner shame that develops but not enough to overcome our desire to see or do more.  

2.  It effects your brain:  Erotic images travel very definite pathways in the brain.  As this action is repeated this begins to become the default pathway for all interactions with the opposite sex making it very difficult to have dealings with others with a pure heart and mind.  Your brain will see others as possible sex partners even if your heart doesn't.  This effects your decision making ability. Just look at the risks it led people like Tiger Woods to take.  He lost everything.  

3.  It changes the way you respond sexually:  According to Naomi Wolf author of The Porn Myth, "Pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian.  An orgasm is one of the biggest enforcers imaginable."  A godly way this works is that you begin to relate your sexual climax to the way your husband smells, the touch of his hand, his eye-contact, feeling cherished and protected.  Over time you experience these things and they wash over you and begin to cause you to become aroused.  But a habitual use of porn will make it so that porn will be the only thing that will turn you on, and you'll need it to become more and more graphic.  Sexual images outside your marriage do not release sexual feelings, they dilute them and dumb them down to a mere physical reflex. 

4.  Porn makes you selfish:  It causes you to see your partner as a means to an end.  It makes you focus on your own body's response and not on the giving of yourself.  It makes having sex alone seem acceptable.  It becomes about you.  

5.  Porn is not a victimless crime:  Even in soft-core or "adult" stories, magazines, TV shows and internet images the negative effects are evident.  It is voyeuristic in nature.  You begin to view others as objects or tools.  It sells the lie that sex is a pleasure that can be separated from relationship and responsibility.  Women especially are hurt.  They are taught a message that they are not enough on their own.  They are taught they are not "hot" enough anymore.  Young ladies are being conditioned to emphasize their sexuality and de-emphasize their inner self and character.  It also sells the lie to a man that women are objects that can be accessed for pleasure without the hindrance of needing to lead her, provide for her, or protect her in a sacrificial way.  

6.  It makes real sex seem blah:  Real wives don't have air-brushers and lighting crews to make them appear perfect in the bedroom.  Real wives don't have plastic surgeons enhancing every sexual organ and making it a characature.  Real wives get tired, hormonal, inhibited and distracted.  Real wives need fore-play and intimacy.  How inconvenient!  Porn leaves us with unrealistic expectations.  Our porn induced fantasies can't exist in a world of bills, work, relationship issues and the aging process.

7.  Porn lies about God:  Porn sells the lie that God is holding out on us.  It tries to claim that there is a whole world of pleasure just outside the boundaries of His plan.  It wants you to think His rules are too restrictive and victorian.  It sells the lie that once you liberate yourself from the christian cultural norms you'll find a supreme intimacy and pleasure that God did not want you to explore because He is mean or insecure or un-fun.  But I've NEVER had someone say they were glad they got started in porn.  Never had a couple say that bringing in outside sex influences caused them to be deeper in love or more content.  Yes, there is an initial surge of titilation and excitement.  But the harm comes from within.  It comes from without too because it will release a dark and demonic presence into your life.  It will coat your entire world with a hazy film of shame and then errect a stronghold of sin in your home so powerful that breaking free will seem impossible and going back will seem like a mirage.  

There is hope and victory.  But the best way to avoid this pain is to flee it and cling to God's plan revealed in His word.  Leave those other books on the shelf.  The only book you need to make your marriage sizzle is the Bible!  

"Keep away from sexual immorality. All other sins that people may commit are done outside the body; but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not realise that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you and whom you received from God? You are not your own property, then; you have been bought at a price. So use your body for the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 6:18-20 

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine."  Song 1:1

Hug a Worship Leader Today

    I'm betting that Mondays are a recovery day for most Worship leaders around Christian circles.  I know they are for Preachers. ;)  I wanted to post today to give a verbal nod of respect toward those who lead God's people to exalt Him each week.

     I Chronicles 15: 22 says, "Chenaniah, leader of the Levites, was instructor in charge of music, because he was skillful.".  Being a leader of worship is a gift and a calling.  It requires so much besides mad vocals and crazy instrumental riffs.  It is so much more than those not involved in the process could ever know.  

    As the daughter of a Minister of Music and member of our church's worship team I have a front row seat to see all the ways the Spirit uses our Worship leaders.  Here are some observations:

    They are prepared:  They work weeks ahead to design a worship set that is Biblically accurate, provides continuity with the message, and is built to draw the congregation into expression.  

    They are gifted:  Each week I can't believe how blessed we are to be led by musicians who are on a par with ANY of the best professional musician, secular or sacred, period.  They are being obedient to a calling and the results are glorious.  

    They are leaders:  They see the music being produced as a mere conduit for creating an environment in which the body can give wings to their love and adoration for God.  They know the goal is participation, not performance.  They use their gift of exhortation to cheer the body on as they engage in the worship instead of spectate.

    They have a ministry:  No drama, no egos, no temperamental creative tantrums.  No divas, no rock stars, no peacocks, no agendas for stardom.  They are fully committed to pastoring the hearts of our local body.  They are committed to the overall vision and are team players.  They are not building their platforms, they are building God's Kingdom.  

    They are servants:  They arrive early and stay late.  They embrace the relentlessness of the fact that Sunday is always coming.  They leave their blood, sweat and tears on the altar every week.  Their families are on-board with that sacrifice and share that burden.  

    They are vulnerable:  As the "faces" of our worship services they are transparently laying out the tenderest and most intimate of their moments with God for all of us to witness.  They deal with nasty  criticism, they have to make hard decisions, they have to battle weekly with the fear of man.  They struggle with stage-fright, introversion, and sore throats, and fussy kids, and spiritual dryness, and heartbreak and wardrobe malfunctions and do it all in a spotlight with a camera in their face...very humbling.

    They are legit:  They really do love Jesus.  They walk with Him.  They press on to know Him.  They are students of His word.   They take what they do as seriously as if they were heart surgeons or airline pilots or the secret service.  And I guess in many ways, they are all those things.  I get to see them on their faces before God for their people.  I see them weeping over the lost and begging God to move.  They are the real thing.

I know this is true of so many faithful and talented worship folks all over the world.  I also know they are quick to give glory to God.  But it never hurts to hear that you are appreciated, respected, and loved.  Have you told your worship, production, technical, and media leaders thank you?  Are you following their leadership with a loving and joyful heart?  Do you support them in prayer?  Let them hear from you and let them hear you singing!  

 

 

Homemade Cleaning Product Recipes

    Well, I have to say Pinterest is changing my way of housekeeping.  I finally decided after seeing so many great pins about non-toxic and homemade cleaners that I would not buy more as I used up my store-bought supply.  I spent about an hour yesterday making everything I'll need to clean my home for this year.  I've tried them all and can honestly say that work better and cost significantly less and are less toxic.  Here are the items I've made:

Laundry Power

Fabric Softener

Dishwasher Powder with rinse aid

All-Purpose cleanser

De-Greaser

Granite cleaner

Glass cleaner

"Soft Scrub" Cleanser

Toilet Bowl cleaner

Furniture Polish

Stainless Steal Polish

Hardwood and Tile cleaner

Hardwood and Tile Polish

Cleaners

Laundry and Dishwasher supplies

Over -all I am thrilled with the results and the price.  I have compliled a supply list and recipes for all of these projects.  Here you go:

Basic Supplies

Borax

Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda

Baking Soda 4# Box

Distilled White Vinegar

Epson Salts

Rubbing alcohol 70%

Hydrogen Peroxide

Olive Oil

Inexpensive Hair Conditioner

Castille Soap

Dawn Dish Soap

Fels-Naptha Soap bars

Additional Supplies

Essential oils: Lemon, Tea Tree, and Lavender

Unsweetened Lemonade mix (24 pkgs.)

Lemishine

Oxyclean

Laundry Powder Recipe

1 4 lb 12 oz box Borax (2.15 kg or 76 oz) found in the detergent aisle

1 4 lb box Arm & Hammer Baking Soda (1.81 kg) found in the cooking aisle

 1 box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda 55 oz (3 lb 7 oz) found in the detergent aisle

 3 bars of Fels-Naptha soap, found in the detergent aisle

 1Large tub Oxy Clean Detergent aisle

 

Directions:

Grate the bars of Fels-Naptha on a large box cheese grater and combine in a large tub and mix well. 

Store in small canister with scoop.

Use 1-2 Tablespoons per Load

 

Fabric Softener Recipe

2 cups of favorite scented, cheap hair conditioner

3 cups White Vinegar

3 cups HOT Water

Directions:

Mix conditioner and water in large pitcher with lid until dissolved then mix in Vinegar.

Use in Downy Ball or add 2 Tablespoons to rinse cycle

 

Dishwasher Powder

 

1 box Borax (4lbs 12 oz or 76 oz ) found in the detergent isle

1 box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (55 oz or 3 lbs 7 oz) found in the detergent isle

24 packages of unsweetened lemonade drink mix, like kool-aid.

 3 cups Epsom Salt

1 Canister Lemi- Shine rinse aid powder

Directions:

Mix in large tub.  Store in canister with a small scoop.  Add 1 Tablespoon per load.

 

“Soft Scrub”  Like cleanser

• ¾ c baking soda
• 1/4 cup liquid castile soap
• 1 T water
• 1 T vinegar
• 10 drops Tea Tree Oil to disinfect

Pour all ingredients into a squeeze bottle.   Add vinegar last and shake well.  If it dries up between uses, add water and shake well.

Glass Cleaner

• ¼ c rubbing alcohol
• 1 T cornstarch
• 2 c warm water

Put all ingredients into a spray bottle using a funnel.  Shake well before every use.  You will get a streak free shine every time!

 Toilet Bowl Cleaner

• ½ c baking soda
• 10 drops each Lavender and tea tree essential oil (optional)
• 1/4 c vinegar

Mix baking soda and essential oil and add to toilet bowl.  Add vinegar to toilet bowl and scrub with a toilet brush while it’s fizzing.  Let sit a while for extra odor absorption.  Flush when done.

Oven Cleaner

• ¼ c baking soda
• Hydrogen peroxide enough to make a paste
• Directions: Wipe on and let sit 5 minutes them scrub with abrasive side of sponge.

 

All Purpose spray

-     3 Tablespoons vinegar
-

-      1/2 Teaspoon washing soda
-

-      1/2 Teaspoon castile soap
-

-      2 Cups hot water

-      Directions:  Mix in spray bottle but beware of bubbling action.  Shake before using. 

 

De-Greaser Spray

-     2 Cups water
-

-      1/4 Cup castile soap
-

-       10 drops lavender oil

Mix in spray bottle

 

Granite clean and shine

1/4 cup rubbing alcohol

3 drops of Dawn dish detergent

1 cup water

5 drops of Lavendar essential oil

Mix in spray bottle and shake well before use.

 

Furniture and stainless steal polish

Olive or canola oil

White Vinegar

Lemon Oil

Fill Squirt bottle with a cap half full with oil then add vinegar and 10-15 drops of Lemon Oil.  Shake well before each use.  Squirt on soft clean cloth to polish. 

 

Wood and Tile Floor Cleaner & Polish

1 Tablespoon of Washing Soda

1 Gallon Hot Water

Mix in a bucket and mop floor for general cleaning.  

 

Wood and Tile Floor Polish

For More serious dirt, Mix together the following: 2 cups of white vinegar,1 cup of lemon juice, ¼ cup of Castille soap, and 2 cups water.  Mop the floor with the solution and then use a soft, dry rag or floor cloth to wipe up any water.

I hope you have great luck with any of these you try.  I'm loving mine.  Woohoo for Pinterest!!!

Happy Cleaning friends!

 

Easter Sunday Would Be Fun Except for All The Grumpy Christians

    I am so crazy excited to celebrate the resurrection of the Savior this weekend!  One of the things that I love about it is seeing people get excited about the "new life" symbolism behind "new things"... Baby chicks, baby bunnies, a basket of sweet treats, colorful eggs, pretty dresses, and smart new suits, and for many a trip to church for the first time this year.  

    For those of us who are lovingly engrafted already into a church home the crowds there may seem inconvenient.  We may even resent some of the "commercialism" of this sacred and reverent holy day.  But let us not miss out on the openness that this holiday creates in peoples hearts to spiritual truth.  Here are some ways we can "make room" for the Holy Spirit to invade the lives of those who thought they were just dressing up and coming to church to make Grandma happy...

1.  Go to a less popular service time if it works out OK for your family.  You will have fewer worries about the crowd and there will be more seats available for others in the prime-time services.

2.   If you will be expected to host a meal or plan an egg hunt, try to get as much done as possible ahead of time so you will not be distracted or stressed during the worship time.  You'll want to be focused on the true meaning of the day.  

3.  Park in the back of the lot.  This lets the guests who might even be rushing in late have the most convenient access.  I'm sure your sweet male family members would not mind dropping you and the kids off first.  

4.  Don't get too stressed about clothes.  No need to put that added financial or time pressure on yourself.  It's best to be there and be comfortable.  You may also want to prepare yourself to see some clothing that may be more revealing than should be.  Give these folks extra grace, not judgement.  Let the Holy Spirit bring them along in this area as they meet Him and grow.

5.  Prepare your heart.  Get to bed at a decent hour.  Prepare as much as possible overnight.  Eat breakfast so you won't be grumpy or impatient.  Give yourself extra time to get there and take the kids to the restroom.  When you arrive, be pleasant and courteous.  Smile and make friends feel welcome.  Be ready to share your row or your seat.  Pray for those who will meet Christ and His Bride for the first time.  Pray that the eyes of needy hearts will be unveiled and will be opened to Jesus and His New Life.  Pray that you would be able to worship with a fresh sense of the victory Easter brings.

    80% of people who don't go to church or call themselves believers say that would come to church on Easter if they were invited by a friend.  Take this chance to extend love and grace to someone this weekend.  Let them know that new or dressy clothes are not required.  Be sure to invite their children to attend the special children's services.  After all, precious souls are why He died.  Let's celebrate the Hope of New Life together with happy hearts!

 

Didn't win the lottery/Got rich anyway!

    I did not win the mega-millions in the lottery.  But I am rich...

I'm thinking back a couple thousand years ago to the events of the last week of Jesus' earthly life.  Preparing to celebrate the new life of the resurrection with my church family has my heart leaping with praise and gratitude.  But it also has me thinking about the spiritual implications of what Christ has accomplished on my behalf and yours.  I think one day when we enter into our eternal home we will be amazed at all the cross has secured for us that our limited understanding could never grasp this side of eternity.

     I am struggling today to understand the immense riches that are mine through Christ's completed work.  

    You see, Easter promises so much more than bunnies, eggs, new clothes and candy or even Heaven as my home.  It promises status, access, privilege, and riches... starting here on Earth.  It's time to stop surviving the christian life and start luxuriating in it.  Look with me at Ephesians Chapter One and let us count the ways God has poured out His blessings on believers, in Christ.  Let it sink in like it was the first time you've heard it.  

1. We are Saints.  This status is based on the great exchange of Christ's life for ours.  v.1

2.  Grace and Peace are ours.  The grace that saves us and empowers us makes peace with God and ends the war on His holiness that our sin created.  v.2

3.  We have received every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.  EVERY ONE!  God is not a God of the bare minimum.  Christ has secured our access to everything that could possibly benefit us in the unseen but very real realm.v.3

4.  We were chosen for being made holy and blameless.  He chose to buy us back  even before the world was created. We shouldn't live like sin is our master.  v.4

5. God planned our adoptions.  We have all the privileges of sons and daughters of a King.  He did this because of the kind intentions of His heart. v. 5

6.  Our sins are forgiven.  We are redeemed through Jesus' blood and the penalty of our sin fell on Him.  v. 7

7.  He has lavished us with all wisdom and insight.  We have the guidance we need to live our lives according to His plan.  v.  8

8.  He has made the mysteries of His will accessible to our minds.  Our eyes have been opened to things that are spiritually discerned and veiled to unbelievers.  v. 9

9.  We have an inheritance of riches that is in keeping with the vastness of God's loving character.  No child of God is a pauper.  v. 11

10.  We have hope.  In Christ, there is no fear for the future because God is on our side.  v. 12

11.  We are sealed forever by the Holy Spirit.   We are secure in salvation and in victory.  v. 13

12.  We are God's treasured possession.  We are cherished.  v.  14

13.  Wisdom, revelation, and knowledge are our gift.  We can know, understand and apply God's word and thereby please Him and edify our spirits.  v. 17

14.  We have a calling.  Our destiny is so much more than for an earthly impact.  Our lives can now bear fruit that impacts eternity.  We have a reason for living.  v. 18

15.  Power is ours that we do not have as humans in our sin.  We now have power in accordance with the power of His might.  In other words limitless power... The same as the power that raised Christ from the dead.  v. 19

This mind blowing chapter ends with the information that Christ has accomplished His mission of providing reconciliation for us and been "seated" on God's right hand and, from there, He is ruling all things seen and unseen forever more.  

So how could I be heir to all these riches and still be blue or discontented or cowardly or lazy or intimidated or prideful or fearful or defeated or apathetic to our world's lostness?  How can Easter be over in just one day?  How can I nod and smile and say "that's cool" about the truths in this chapter and move on to live a life of drudgery and obligation?

  My Easter basket is overflowing with all the riches of Heaven and my heart is singing with the praise of a slave set free!  He is alive!  Let His children rejoice!  

Happy Resurrection Day!

 

Spring Freshness

Song of Solomon 2:11-13

"Look around you: Winter is over; 
   the winter rains are over, gone!
Spring flowers are in blossom all over. 
   The whole world's a choir—and singing!
Spring warblers are filling the forest 
   with sweet arpeggios.
Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, 
   and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms."

This Morning I realized I still had my snowmen out everywhere and yet there was a sweet fragrance of spring wafting through my open windows.  Sun was streaming through the room and birds chirped cheerily in the budding trees of my yard.  It was time to tuck my snowy gentlemen back in their crates and bring my home into step with the joy of a fresh season in my heart!  

This happy couple graces our dining table with a basket of colorful eggs in a bed of pretty green grass.

I found this pretty wall plaque at the Dollar Store.  I plays a recording of songbirds.

I even got a little dirt under my nails planting some flowers on the porch.

But this is my favorite spot... my sunny breakfast nook.  I love this wreath of eggs on a grapevine with the sweet cross in the center.  As we move further into the joy of the Easter season, I am moved afresh by the gift of new life in Christ....I'm reminded of the True Vine.

"God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. " II Corinthians 5:17 

The Cure for Loneliness

    I recently was visiting with an acquaintance who came to me for advice.  She was on a path in a relationship that I could see was going to lead her into heartache.  I tried to plead with her to wait, to deny herself for the moment in order to gain a greater joy in obedience later.  Her response to my counsel pulled me up short.  She said bluntly, "What would you know about loneliness?"

    I wanted to cry.  I wanted to make her a list of the ways I've know loneliness.  Anyone who's ever been a leader or married one knows the isolation that comes with it at times.  Many things cause loneliness.  We can even feel alone surrounded by a crowd.  I think of the widow, the orphan, the divorced, the shunned, the betrayed, the ill, the poor, the rich, the famous, the obscured, the new kid, the grieving, the exhausted, the misunderstood.  Who is there who has never tasted the bitterness of loneliness?  

    Even the Lord Jesus was no stranger to this feeling.  He felt it fasting in the wilderness, praying in the garden, and hanging on the cross.  My word to you today is the same one I had for her that day.  You may feel alone.  You may think the darkness will swallow you at times.  You may hear the voice of the enemy in the silence.  But you are NOT alone.  Refuse to let it overwhelm you.  Refuse to fill the void with despair or sin or cheap substitutes.  Run to the Lover of you soul.  Listen to the words of David:  "Nevertheless, I am continually with You;  You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."(Psalm 73:23-28 ESV)

    Loneliness is part of life on this fallen planet.  It is a reminder that this is not our home or our final destination.  It stimulates us to long for glory and completion.  I'll close with a link to a song that has come to be such a hiding place for me.  It is a prayer of faith and ends with the singer placing her heart in a position of worship, looking away from the troubles of this life and into the throneroom.  Look to the God who loves you and will never leave you.  

 

That Log in Your Eye Just Whacked Me

I love God's people.  My heart is completely commited to serving and loving them.  I love using my gift of exhortation to spur them on to grow in Christ.  I love lost people.  I try to give them grace and love even as I call them to repentance in Jesus' Name.  I pray for the heart of the Savior toward them.  But there is one type of person that grieves me and I just cannot resist antagonizing.  I find that Jesus couldn't either.  In fact, it seems like, in the scripture, He purposefully engages them for the purpose of offending them and condemning their hypocrisy.  Read  Matthew 23.  Try reading that and not feel the steam rising off your neck.  Whew!  The people who frustrate me most in this world are legalists, spiritually prideful, critical spirited Pharisees.  I've seen them rush to exclude fellowship with brothers and sisters who don't line up 100% with their particular theological systems.  Putting a fine point on their own doctrine but forgetting the mysteries of God.  I've seen them make all christians look like hateful crones by their public stances on what they are "against".  I've seen them take great delight in comparing themselves with others who don't measure up in their eyes.  They seem to relish the opportunity to criticize or look down on or to pity.  They can't wait to fire off emails full of self- appointed righteous indignation.  I've even heard these characteristics coming from my own mouth at times;  revealing the true unloving pride in my very own heart.  I have to ask God to purge it from me.  I try to guard against it and refuse to be associated with groups who bring this wickedness out in me.  For so many it is the default they go to, a knee-jerk reaction of their spirit.  They associate "angry" with "holy" without even knowing it.  

So how can you spot Pharisaical stronghold or bent?  Here are some cardinal signs...But we must look to our own hearts first or we have failed to remove the plank from our own eyes.       See      Matthew 7:3-5

1.  Self- righteousness- feeling as though you are better because of something in you that is superior, not due to the grace of God on your life.  Basking in your talents, your position, your heritage, your image, your knowledge, or your lack of worldliness.  Looking down on those who can't compete with you in these areas as you take the credit for what God has given as a gift.  You use shame as a form of discipline or scripture as a bully club.  

2.  Spiritual Pride-  Thinking better of yourself than God knows you are.  Representing yourself to others as more holy than God knows you are.  Getting an ego boost from how "deep" you are or how "shallow" others are.  Desiring more and more theological knowledge so you can feel superior to others.  You love being around others who also are puffed up with knowledge but are short on grace.  You think you can know someone else's motives.  

3.  You are easily offended and quick to rebuke-  You are critical of authority in your life.  You love to pick apart things others say or do and cast it down.  You are harsh.  You delight when you are able to "catch" someone in sin, error, or failure.  You wear your sensitivity to worldliness as a badge and expect everyone else to measure up or be eliminated from your life.  You'd rather bury someone with the truth than to dig them out with grace.  

4.  You are slow to do the dirty work-  You may not say it, but you believe certain ministries to be beneath you.  You do very little without the possibility of public exposure.  You are big on titles and credit and privilege.  You crave association with those you feel are the most spiritually elite.  

5.  You love the letter of the law-  You gravitate toward legalism.  You value rules, order, tradition, and rank over people, freedom and redemption.  You are quick to expose others faults.  You are angered when others extend grace as opposed to consequences.  You impose your own preferences or traditions on others as a biblical mandate.  You are not teachable, often finding other busy things to do rather than sitting under the teachings of someone you feel is beneath you spiritually.  You focus on what's wrong and overlook what's right.  

6.  You have the spiritual gifts of prophecy, leadership, teaching, knowledge, or wisdom-  These gifts are so powerful and needed in the body.  Yet, they are so easily counterfeited and harmful if wielded in the flesh.  If you have these gifts you must be on alert to the tendencies of pride.  

It is no wonder why the Savior deliberately attacked this insidious cancer.  It separates us from His grace and mercy.  It is counter to the advance of His Kingdom.  It makes us tools of harm in the hands of the enemy.  It covers those He died for in shame instead redeeming blood.  It lifts up man and works and self.  I pray God would crush this out of me!  I pray He would help me spot it in others and help me distance myself from it and protect me from the hurt of it.  I pray He would help me lovingly stand against it and be a purveyor of grace as His ambassador.    

Ephesians 2:8-9

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; ⁹ not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

 

Are You an Introvert In Leadership?

    Here's something you may not know about me.  Each time I am at a worship service or event at my church I have to pray for courage.  I know that may seem surprising.  Although I am not shy, I am an introvert.  I am fine on the platform to sing or to speak although some nerves there are good and keep me humbled.  But put me in the lobby trying to make conversation with 1000 acquaintances and I will be sweating and trying not to pass out from sheer terror.  

    There are times I feel like I might start crying.  My heart is pounding faster than it should be and I'm praying just to keep from running out.  In fact, sometimes I do run...even after all these years.  And that grieves me.  I love these people more than my own life.  I pray for them and prepare like crazy to lead and teach them.  I hurt when they hurt. I rejoice when they are blessed and happy.  I have left my home and my family and moved here to make a life with them.  I have made serving them my life's work.  How can I be too socially inept to mingle with them in the hallway?!?  Why do I get so insecure when they want to approach me?  Why do I feel like every eye is on me, wondering why I'm wearing this or why my posture is bad?  It's like I've lost my mind sometimes.  It feels like I've run a marathon when all I've really done is shake a few hundred hands and try to make these precious people feel loved and valued as individuals.

     That's part of it.  I'm also a bit of a closet perfectionist.  It wrankles me if I forget their names or ask how a sick parent is doing only to find they passed away last week. :(  I feel like they will be judging their whole church experience on the 30 seconds I have to make them feel special.  And I feel like I'm not that good at carrying the conversation in a way that is not shallow or rote.  Also, some folks think the fact that they have bumped into me in the hallway is a sign from God that now is the time to confront something they don't like about the way the church is being run or even about me personally or something I've said or done.  Those kinds of encounters really make me want to hide.

    So I've learned.   I have to pray.  I have to self-coach, "All you are doing is walking to the coffee counter, Lori.  Just smile and say hi and make eye-contact."  I have to remember this is my ministry.  This is my time to lead and nurture simply by my presence.  I need to dwell on the fact that mingling builds my ministry platform for times when I am asking people to engage in worship, or obey a scripture, or join me in prayer.  Because they feel like they know me and I'm one of them.  And I pray that God would guide me to some one who needs to be loved on, to receive grace, or feel included.  I need to remember that these people MATTER.  They are worth my discomfort.  They deserve access to me and my family.  Jesus has trusted me with His "kids" as a care-giver.  I don't just want to be an "Up front" person.  I want to know and be known.  I want to share my life.  

    So I do it.  It's sloppy.  It's awkward at times.  It's exhausting.  But it's right.  It's good.  It's my job.  If I had it my way, I would stay at home every day and read.  If I were the boss of my life, I would be happy to sit in the back and sneak out of church during the prayer.  But God has called me and empowered me to lead and to serve.  To do that I must be visible and reachable.  And, I can do it through His grace.  

    Are you an introvert called to lead?  Is it hard for you to lower the barriers and be approachable?  Remember we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength and is strong when we are weak.  I find these verses so helpful to cling to:

I Tim. 4:11-16, 

^11-14Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed—keep that dusted off and in use.

 ^15-16Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.

Tools For Running My Busy Life: Blogs, Books, Apps and Websites

Titus 2:4-5

⁴ so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵ to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

For me to be the "worker at home" this verse teaches, I have to have some help!  I have found that there are some tools out there that can help me do this better and with less stress.  The resources I am sharing today are able to help me be organized, creative, healthy, spiritual, and productive.  They range from high tech to low tech.  So check them out and take your pick.

1.  Blogs I subscribe to:

Bruce Frank- insights for leadership and loving God

Ann Voskamp- The tender side of motherhood and discipleship

Home Ec. 101- Tips and tricks for running my home (clean it, fix it, cook it)

2.  Websites I use repeatedly:

Pinterest- An online bulliten board to organize my thoughts and creative juices.  Great storage for recipes.  Picking up ideas for food, crafts, and style. ( Also an App)

Fly Lady- online resource for keeping my home clean and roganized.  Great tips for running an efficient kitchen and pantry.

E-Mealz- Online menu planner and grocery list mananger

Lose It- Online weight tracker and food journal.  Support your diet by joining with a group of friends. ( also an App)

Biblos- Bible study resource 

Leading and Loving It- online resource for Pastors' wives and women in ministry

3. Phone Apps I can't live without- All Free!

C25K free- This app will talk you through an 8 week exercize schedule that will take you from walking to running a 5k.  

Lose it- This is the phone version of the website above.

Nike+GPS- this app will calculate your mileage, give you a map of your route, give you data about your speed and cheer you on.  You will be able to choose music from your phone to listen to.

The coupon App- Great discount and coupons for all your favorite stores right on your phone.

Kindle App- All my reading material on my phone to keep me productive even when I'm stuck in a waiting room or in a line.

You Version- Web-based Bible application.  Choose any version and have it on your phone.  Take notes, read commentary, or join a read the Bible through plan.

Cozi- ( my favorite) This app lets me keep a calendar for our family.  We all share a password and our accounts are merged.  This way I have a master list of all of our activities and appointments and deadlines and it is color coded.  It sends me reminders.  We can add to each others shopping lists or to-do lists.  Best app ever!

Evernote- This app helps me store and file documents and thoughts and emails.  Think about shot records, receipts, emergency information, etc.  It is great for meetings.  I can take notes and store them and then they automatically show up in my home computer later.  It will even add to my calendar or to do list on other apps.

4. Books-

Strong's Concordance

The Complete Bible Answer Book- Hank Hanegraaff

Praying God's Word- Beth Moore

Power of a Praying Parent- Stormie Omartian

Prayers of my Heart- Debbie Williams- Prayer notebook

Woman's Study Bible- New King James

I hope these little ideas help you as you strive to run your home and feed your spirit and nurture your body and mind.  I'd love to hear your comments and ideas for resources you find helpful!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

30 Day Hubby Experiment

Who wants to join me for a fun experiment?!?  The lab will be your marriage and the Guinea pig will be your hubby.  It seems the Lord has been prompting me a lot lately about getting lazy in my marriage.  He has been speaking to me about how my marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ's love for the church and of the bride's surrender to Him.  So it's time to go back to the classroom.  It's time to do a little extra credit work in Hubby 101.  

Here is a suggested list of practical ways I'm gonna show my husband my respect, admiration, dependence, and love.  Let's do this together.  Starting today, pick one item daily from the list and lavish him with love.  

1.  When he's in the shower pull back the curtain and in a flirty voice tell him he's looking especially hunky today.  Give him a little smack on the booty and thank him for starting your day with a smile.

2.  Put the kids to bed a little early and offer him a head massage.  Lay him back in your lap and rub his scalp and forehead.  Dab some sweet perfume on your wrists before you start.

3.  When he gets home from work, stop whatever you are doing long enough to look at him, smile with your whole face and go over and kiss him.  Smile again.  Say "I missed you today, welcome home!"  

4.  Text him at work that you were just thinking about what a great man he is and that thinking of him made you smile.  

5.  Download a sappy love song off itunes leave a post it note on his ipod saying it expresses just how you feel about him.

6.  Ask him before he leaves for work if there is anything you can do to make his day smoother or any errands you could run for him.

7.  Take a photo of yourself with  your kids and text it to him with the caption "Hi, from your fan club".

8.  When his alarm goes off tell him thank you and that you love him for being a "hard working man". 

9.  Offer to watch some golf or football or whatever he would like after dinner.  Give him one whole night with nothing negative to deal with.  

10.  Pick out his favorite kind of gum and leave a pack of it by his wallet with a note that says "I still chews you".

11.  Post something awesome about him on Facebook and tag him in it so he knows you did it.

12.  Make his favorite dish and tell him you did it because you were thinking about how you appreciate all he does for the family.

13.  Brag on him to the kids about something he does that you appreciate.  Let him hear you say it.

14.  Buy him a new pair of boxers and say, "I got you something today.  I just thought they would look incredible on you."  *wink wink*

15.  Raise up his shirt and scratch his back with your nails until he gets the chills.

16.  Suggest he spend time on his day off doing something he enjoys without making him feel guilty.  

17.  Suggest the two of you go and do something he likes to do... Go shoot at a shooting range, go to the driving range, take a hike, or sit in the deer stand.  You could also suggest a movie he's been talking about.

18.  Take the kids out for pizza on Saturday or Sunday and suggest he takes an afternoon nap.  Turn off the phones.

19.  Get up a little earlier than him and make a big hearty breakfast for him or wake him up with coffee or fresh squeezed juice in bed.

20.  Hug him and tell him how good he smells before he leaves for work.  

21.  Make his favorite dessert and send it to work with him to share with all his coworkers. 

22.  Write the word "Handsome" with and arrow pointing at his reflection in your bathroom mirror.  Dry erase markers work perfect for this.

23.  Leave him a post it on his steering wheel wishing him a good day and smiley face.

24.  Send him an email just to say you love him and appreciate him.

25.  Do one of his regular household chores for him.

26.  Offer him a back rub.

27.  Bend over and kiss his neck when he's on the computer. Exhale warm breath in his ear.  

29.  Don't pick up or check your phone when you are together .

30.  Say yes when it would be easier to say no.  

These are the kinds of things we were doing all the time when we were dating our man.  It's just too easy to get lazy or to take them for granted.  All it takes is a little planning and a grateful heart.  I would love to hear from you if you are going to participate.  Let me know how he responds.  Do each day with a happy heart and expect nothing in return.

Hebrews 10:24 says, "Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works".

After a month of this I'm betting you come up with even better ones.  ;)  Leave me a comment with your feedback and ideas that you come up with.  Happy homework ladies!

Should Women Work?

I am teaching a session currently in our Woman's Bible Study group About Women's roles in the home, church and community.  So, I thought today might be a good day to address a question I get asked frequently... Should a woman work outside the home.  My five cent answer is "If she wants to".
But my $2 answer is a little more complex... Because the truth is, if a woman is single, she gets to choose from the full spectrum of possibilities for her career.  If she is married, she needs to consider her husband's wishes and needs first.  If she is a mother, she and her husband need to decide together based on several factors.  If she is a single mother, she will most likely need to work to add to the support she gets from the children's father, if any... you see?  It's a complicated question.  But not one the Bible is silent on.

For the purpose of today's discussion I want to focus on wives with children.  So let's plan from three fronts:  First, what is does scripture teach is a wife's role in the family?  Second, analyze what your motivation for working or not working is.  And third, plan on some ways to minimize negative impact.  

Key talking points:

*God expects you to fulfill your core role of Helper, Nurturer, and Lover regardless of whether you are employed or not.  Titus 2:4-5

*Providing for your family's basic needs is the husband's role not the wife's.  I Timothy 5:8

*Employment is more appropriate in certain seasons of life than in others. Many women truly have no choice.  

Questions that need pondering and praying:

Am I attempting to meet my needs, find significance, or escape my responsibilities through an outside source of occupation?

Is my concentration blurred too much away from my home and family by the demands of my job?  Am I able to care for myself and keep myself healthy spiritually, emotionally, and physically?

Do my husband and family receive all the love and support they need from me even with the demands of my job?  Do my children have to do without my presence and depend on a surrogate caregiver?  Will I regret missing out on certain moments later?  Am I able to have a ministry too?

Do I feel forced to find extra income?  What is the source of this pressure?  Am I working for needs or wants?  Could I reduce my need to work if I changed my lifestyle?  

Are my husband and I in unified agreement concerning my employment?

Helpful hints from someone who has tried to have and do it all:

-Save money early on in your marriage.  When you are DINKs (double income, no kids) is the time to learn to live on only what the husband makes.  Force yourself to save that money and live generously.

-Plan your family.  If you wait until you can "afford" kids, you'll never start.  But you can use simple and prayerful wisdom as you begin and space your children's births.  This is especially important when being home with preschool children is a desire.  

-Don't be house poor. Be careful not to over commit financially to your housing expenses.  It's better to drive an old van and rent a home than to be a slave to a mortgage that is losing value.  

-Avoid debt. Having a pay as you go policy with keep you from creeping up into a lifestyle that will cause you to lose flexibility when the kids start coming. Live simply.

-Consider other options- Maybe you could work part time or job share.  Could you work from home or online? Look toward careers that offer summers off or allow you to bring your kids to work with you.  Can you delay employment at least until the last child starts school? Can you hire help at home?  

You see, there is really no limit on your employment providing you are disciplined about letting your #1 focus be your God, husband, home and kids.  Women are experts at multi-tasking!  It's hard though, especially when you have preschoolers.  The mommy-guilt can really pile up.  

Shallum’s Daughters were Construction workers  - Nehemiah 3:12

Dorcas  worked in the Garment industry.  Acts 9:36-42

Lydia  worked in retail.  Acts 16:14

Deborah was a  government official.    Judges 4:4-5

Priscilla – worked in manufacturing.  Acts 18:3

The Proverbs 31 mom was an entrepreneur and the scriptures refer to many Nurses, Midwives, Nannies, Musicians, and the list goes on.  The key is to find balance... Oh, but that's a subject for another day real soon.  ;)  

The most important thing I desire to see among the women of my church is UNITY.  Whatever the situation and whatever the choice...to work or stay home....To home educate or delegate...to breast or bottle feed...paper or plastic... baked or fried...We need each other and we need to stick together. We need a non-judgemental  or legalistic community of love, mentoring, and edification.  I pray we can find that common bond.  I pray you find peace and contentment in your choices and unspeakable joy in running your home and loving your family.   Live "All in" for Jesus and strive to have no regrets.  My hat is off  to every one of you super-women!

"...That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Titus 2:4-5

 

 

 

 

 

Your Husband: Head or "Head" Ache?

Today's blog is an additional bit of analysis learned as I was preparing a lesson for my Bible Study class about Women's roles.  We were studying the wife's role as "Helper" and husband role as "Head" as defined in Genesis 2:15-25, and I Corinthians 11:3.  The response was fantastic and it thrilled my heart to see so many ladies re-ignited with desire to be a helper to the husband God gave to lead, provide for and protect them.  As we studied together we were all convicted about our need to be completely sold out to fulfilling our calling as wives by giving our spouse our admiration, respect, dependence, submission, support for his work, praise, companionship, recreation, loyalty, and physical responsiveness.    

But after class I was grieved as I listened to and prayed with ladies who face the challenge of giving leadership and authority over to a man who may or may not be exercising his God ordained headship in a "Christ and the Church" kind of way.  Of course, her call is not changed one bit based on her husband's behavior.  She is encouraged in scripture to show respect based on his office as husband and to allow the Spirit of God to teach and change her man through her silence and service.  So, with this as a given, I would like to discuss several basic, common scenarios of failed headship, or "Head" Ache.  But with each one in context, I would like to offer scripture to pray for the husband and practical ways to love him as God works on him for His own glory.  

"Head" Ache number one:  The Mama's Boy

This guy has been spoiled and rescued from the consequences of his actions all his life.  He is good at manipulation.  He is lazy and entitled.  He's never been called upon to work hard or count the costs of self-denial.  He shirks leadership and refuses to own his role.  He's actually probably very handsome and charming in a boyish sort of way and he can most likely beat any score at "Call of Duty" or on any area golf course, but he won't have a clue about how to run a business or manage a credit card.  He's creative and a dreamer, but undisciplined.  He's more than happy to let his wife be the grown up in the relationship.  He loves to get the kids riled up and promise the moon but shuns teaching them and disciplining them leaving the wife to be the bad guy.  He'll blow a month's paycheck on a trip to Disney but will make her feel like a shrew if she voices concern about the bills piling up.  On the outside he seems like the perfect "Fun" hubby, full of spontaneity and adventure.  He's on board with church attendance if nothing else comes up.  But his weekly walk with God is non-existent or immature.  The wife's spirit is broken by  having to pick up the pieces of his irresponsibility.  And she is tired of being the voice of reason and maturity, seeming to be the spoiler of all the fun.  As her respect for him dwindles her resentment grows...She should pray these verses over her husband in faith and with intensity and persistence.  In the meantime, she should refuse to nag or criticize.  You were not appointed to be your husband's conscience.  Consequences will come to the shirker of headship but that is God's job not yours.

 Titus 2:11-14, Philippians 1:9-11, Colossians 3:23, II Thessalonians 3:7-10, II Peter 1: 2-11

"Head " Ache number two:  The emotional zombie-

This specimen is stable, responsible, even-tempered, methodical and organized.  His wife and kids pay him perfunctory respect but view him as uptight and cold.  He is there but he is not THERE. He is detached and distant, distracted.  He shuts down and withdraws from emotionally charged situations.  On the outside he seems ideal.  He may show signs of workaholic tendencies, coming home exhausted and expecting the family to subsist on his emotional left-overs.  He uses work as an excuse to avoid quality time with the kids or dates with the wife.  He helps, he does things at church, but there's never any fire or passion or zeal.  He distances himself from excitement and hates for things to get "crazy" or out of control.  He seems incapable of owning and expressing emotion.  He may be due to his upbringing.  But it leaves him crippled relationally and puts a wedge of distance into any hope of true intimacy.  He seems numb and she feels unloved and lonely.  She is vulnerable to seduction from anyone else who seems to be emotionally interested.  As she prays these scriptures according to the will of God she should safeguard herself against inappropriate liaisons.  She should seek to honor her husband and encourage him when he opens up or shares.  she will need to take up the slack in helping the kids feel loved and cherished.  God is more than able to bring her husband to a point where he can be fully engaged in his families lives. 

Ephesians 4:25-32, Ephesians 5:15-33, I Peter 3:7, Psalm 19:14

"Head" Ache number Three:  The Hammer-

This guy is a dictator.  He's a control freak.  He's intimidating.  He takes headship to an exaggerated level.  He may have anger issues.  He rarely says thank you,merely gives orders.  He micro-manages everything and gives off an air of being put upon by imbeciles.  He buys into sexual stereotypes and could be called a chauvinist.  Everyone in the house walks on eggshells to avoid his wrath.  He loves to misquote scripture about his authority.  He is self gratifying in bed but rarely tries to explore his wife's needs.  He is very comfortable in leadership roles so he has high regard in church.  He may even gravitate to careers where he has power or control over others.  He may be a bully. No one knows how his family fears him but they notice how his wife jumps to keep him happy.  A few of these men may even resort to physical abuse or intimidation.  He is usually bent toward legalism and critical of authority over him.  He loves rules and the letter of the law.  His harshness makes following him a non-issue but it makes adoration, admiration, and trust difficult.  The strong protective leader she thought she was getting has turned into an entitled, selfish, harsh tyrant.  She feels beaten down, worthless, and forgotten.  First off, if violence is an issue this wife needs to get herself and her kids to safety immediately.  If she does not fear for her safety, she should continue to show respect and love toward her husband and submit to him as unto the Lord.  She should trust God to soften her husband's heart.  She should pray for him faithfully...

Proverbs 15:1, Philippians 4:5, Titus 3:2, James 3:17, I Corinthians 13:4-5

"Head" ache number four:  Spiritual No-Show-

To some women this guy would seem quite a catch.  Compared to the other "Head" aches he looks pretty good.  He's a great provider, he is an excellent attentive father, he is a tender lover and friend.  He even pops in to church sometimes with his wife.  He never objects when she wants to go to church or to take the kids.  He's a nice guy.  So what's the problem?  His wife yearns and longs for him to share the spiritual intimacy with her that would complete their love.  She feels a longing to share her excitement and delight over spiritual things and have him share it.  She wishes he would lead their family in devotions and prayers.  When he is in church with her she silently prays that he would respond somehow to the message. She waits and hopes for any sign God is at work in his life. When talk turns to God or the Bible he tunes out.  He prefers she keep her spirituality private.  His apathy breaks her heart.  She is paralyzed by fear he may not ever find a saving faith in Christ or never find the fulfillment found in His love.  She aches for him to be unified with her in love for God.  She must NEVER give up!  She should pray to be a living example of I Peter 3:1-2.  She should avoid nagging, dropping hints, Praying out loud for his salvation where he can hear it, or sharing her concerns in a way that make others think less of him.  The power of the gospel through the Holy Spirit is your hope!  Here are some scriptures you can pray for your hubby.  He can be won without a word.  

Here is a list of scripture prayers for the lost.  Here is a printable list of 31 days of praying for your husband. 

This second list is great for all wives to saturate your loved- one's life with prayer and expectation for God to move in their life.  You will love him more just by seeing him through God's eyes as you pray.  If one of these "Head" aches describes your hubby, or if he's a blend of a few of them, why not attack the problem instead of attacking him?  As you pray the word of God over your husband, know that there is great power there... Let the word of God soak deep into your soul, cry it out, let it be your plan of action.  I'll be praying for you.

James 5:16 ESV 

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."  

Invitation for Christmas Weekend

    I'm so excited to be spending time with my family for the next few days.  But I also look forward to worshipping and celebrating The Savior's birth with my church all weekend.  Here is a little Christmas message from my husband and me.  I hope to see you.  I'm praying you find the greatest gifts from God through Jesus... Love, Joy, Peace, and Hope... Have a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

A Candlelight Christmas at Biltmore Baptist from Biltmore Baptist Church on Vimeo.

 

Soothing Homemade Lip Balm

    I don't know about you but this time of year, every year, my lips get so dry and chapped.  This year I found a great recipe for a soothing balm and adapted it to my tastes.  And I do mean taste!  This stuff is yummy and smells delicious.  All the ingredients can be easily obtained.  I felt like such mad scientist as I tried many different potions.  But, the formula that I found worked best is the one I'm sharing today.  

     First you need to get some containers.  You can find little paint pots, bead organizers and pill caddies at your craft store.  Or, you could save and wash out old chapstick tubes.  I opted for tiny paint pots and screw together bead organizers for mine.  Be sure to run them through the dishwasher first to sterilize.

    

Gather your supplies... You will need either a plastic squirt bottle of some sort or disposable pastry bags or even a ziplock baggie to mix your lip potions in.  And, get a big bowl of water and heat it in the microwave to serve as a gentle heat source to melt your concoctions. 

 

Ingredients

Candy melts in various flavors 4-5 pieces from the craft store baking aisle

Petroleum jelly 2 teaspoons from the drug store

Mentholated Jelly 2 teaspoons,  drug store, I used "Mentholatum"

Oil based candy flavourings 1/2 teaspoon from craft store baking aisle

Coconut oil 4 teaspoons, from grocery store oil aisle

Parafin or soy wax finely grated 1 teaspoon from craft store candle making aisle

(1 recipe makes enough to fill 6 little pots)

Directions

Fill your bottle or bag with the ingredients based on the formula of your choice for flavor and emerse in the hot water until liquid and mix well.  If you are using a pastry bag or baggie cut a tiny snip off the corner to allow you to squirt the contents out.  Fill your containers and refrigerate until completely cooled.  They will cool into a solid.

Formulas

Orange Dreamlicle:  5 Orange, vanilla flavored candy melts and orange flavoured flavoring oil.

Cherry Koolaid:  4Red, and 1 white vanilla flavoured candy melts and Cherry flavoring oil

Mint Chocolate:  5 Dark Chocolate candy melts and Creme De Menthe flavoring oil

Peppermint: 5 white candy melts with crushed peppermint candies inside and peppermint flavoring oil

Cherry Cordial:  5 milk chocolate candy melts and Cherry flavoring oil

Cinnamint:  3 Red and 2 pink candy melts, and Cinnamon and Peppermint flavoring oils

Cinnamon Stick:  5 Red candy melts and Cinnamon Flavoring oil

Presentation Ideas

If you buy the "Avery" 1 1/2 " labels you can print your own little labels (See Picture)

You could also buy a tiny mirror for the bottom of the pots

I used little stickers to decorate my creations 

Use as stocking stuffers or wrap as gifts

Add edible food grade glitter for extra sparkle

I've been keeping mine by my bedside and find not only are my lips soft and healthy but my hubby loves a goodnight smooch even more now that my pucker  tastes like dessert!  Hope you have a great time trying this recipe and experimenting with your own flavours and colors.  Enjoy!

"Gibbs' Rules" for Ministry Folks

     I currently have 12 episodes of NCIS on my DVR awaiting the cozy nights of winter with my hubby by the fire.  That's a lot of naval crime fighting!  I love that show because they always get the bad guy, of course.  But I also love the characters with all their flaws and idiosyncrasies.  One other thing I love about this show is the way the crusty older marine (Gibbs) mentors his young but talented team.  He cares about keeping them alive, and he cares about teaching them what he knows so they can accomplish something bigger than themselves.  He can be cantankerous and blunt.  He has lived through a lot of pain.  He is not perfect.  But He's learned a few lessons in life and has composed a list of rules to live by for his team. 

I'm not Leroy Jethro Gibbs, but I do have a code to live by.  It is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength and to love my neighbor as myself.  This is as it should be for any Christ follower.  But for those of us in ministry, the bar is even higher.  If I could sit down with anyone young in the ministry and give them a short list of "rules" for success and maximum impact in ministry it would be these:

1.  It's got to be real.  Above all, keep your walk with Jesus intimate and current.  Never try to export what is not authentic in your own life.  If you are faking it, you will burn out.  Nothing is more exhausting than trying to create spiritual fruit in the power of the flesh.  Neglecting spiritual discipline is the first step to hypocrisy.  Feed yourself first or you will be a victim of spiritual warefare.

2.  When one of us is bad-mouthed, we all lose.  As a leader you never have the right to criticize another member of the leadership team.  No matter how hurt, frustrated, or angry you are you are obligated to take your concerns behind closed doors.  You have sacrificed your right to "vent".  Loyalty among leadership has got to be unquestionable.  Resolve conflict between the concerned parties only.  Otherwise it devalues the ones we are here to serve, kind of like how it hurts the child when a parent runs the other one down in front of him.  

3.  Expect to work from another plane of ability.  Ministry life is not for sissies.  Supernatural resilience and sustenance is required.  You need to stop trying to have a "normal" life.  The schedule and routine of a ministry family is drasticly different from others.  Accepting that and adjusting your lifestyle to accommodate the demands is the only way to stay sane.  The wife's job is to be the shock absorber.  Jesus never complained about the demands on Him.  He adjusted, He endured, and He overcame.  That power is available to you and your children in a supernatural way.  But resentment and self-pity will stop the flow.

4.  You've got to be lovable.  Success in ministry is hindered when there is no emotional bond between the leaders and the flock.  No matter how hard you work for a church or how good you are at your job, it's what you make them feel that makes them love you.  Show up at fellowships.  Be vulnerable.  Mingle, make friends.   Make eye contact and use meaningful touch.  Crack jokes, be fun.  Listen, and ask questions.  Be accessible through social media.  Be willing to do the dirty jobs with them.  Go to ballgames, hospital rooms and deathbeds.  People matter.  Yes, have your boundaries.  But remembering names and having concern for the individual will do wonders to open hearts to your leadership, insulate you from criticism, and create a devoted group of care-givers when your family is in need.  You will never lack for helpers, baby sitters, good food or a fan club if you do this.

5.  You're called to be last, not first.  So many young leaders have a sense of entitlement.  In their zeal they think they can do it better than the last generation.  They think their ideas are the answer to the church's needs.  They think they will plant a church and it will be a mega-church in a year.  They think they should have ministry success handed to them because they are talented and educated.  Actually, ministry is messy.  It's grueling.  Great men and women of God have served faithfully in obscurity for a lifetime and never produced a mega- church, made a big salary or made anyone remember their names.  If you want to change the world, change  a life.  Be ready to be disrespected, misunderstood, inconvenienced, overwhelmed with need, ill-equipped, under appreciated, under paid, and over-worked.  You'll be in good company though.  And if you finish strong, and lay down your rights,  you'll be rewarded with a legacy of souls and treasure in Heaven.  

Twelve men were called to be on the front lines of Kingdom activities.  The original disciples.  They counted the cost and paid a very dear price.  But they completed the task of launching the Gospel.  We who are honored to join that cause get the privilege to invest in God's work with unhindered focus.  We and our families walk in special grace to meet these demands.  If you are a wife of a pastor and you follow these rules, you will be a credit to your husband and a helpmate in his work.  Trust God to protect you and your kids.  Relax into the fast pace of ministry and your kids will come to love the exhilaration of ministry life.  If you fight it, they will resent it.  Trust your husband to lead and give him the freedom to soar.  

Hebrews 6:9-12 says,  "⁹ Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are convinced of better things in your case—the things that have to do with salvation. ¹⁰ God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. ¹¹ We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. ¹² We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."  Be encouraged today, He will not forget your work... One of God's rules is that there will be a harvest.  Let's sow for a good one.  

Handmade Gifts

Are you needing to watch your pennies pretty closely right now?  Are you wondering how to make your pennies stretch far enough to get to be generous in your Christmas gift giving?  If so, I may have a great tip for you.  I am making these for several friends this season and thought they were so cute, not to mention practical!  Here is the gift.  I think I will couple them and make it a double gift for "His and Hers".  

The first is a cute little sewing kit for those little annoying repairs and button losses.  It has a pin cushion on top.  It is made from a 1/2 pint mason jar.  Some I had, some I bought, and some I found at Goodwill.  I filled the jar with a spool of thread, buttons I have been saving, and safety pins.  If you wanted to spend a little more you could add a measuring tape, a thimble, and some tiny scissors.  For the top, I just used a salad plate as a template and used pinking shears to cut circles out of pretty fabric remnants and stuffed the rings with left over poly-fill.  Then I stuck matching pearl headed pins and some needles in after it was finished.  This is a handy gift I would love to receive and it's pretty enough to leave out on my dresser.  It is so nice to have everything handy when a wardrobe malfunction occurs.  ;)  If you are an over achiever, you can dye the jars to match by mixing glossy modge-podge with any color of Gel food coloring to coat the inside of the jar and baking at 300 degrees for 20 minutes or until dry.  The possibilities are endless... I'm even thinking of one with a magnet and fishing tackle inside.  

 

This one is a little simpler but just as handy!  I think I would use this one even more regularly.  It is a jar for wooden matches with sandpaper and a scratch pad on top.  It is water proof and cute enough to keep out on your counter for lighting candles or stove-tops.  I just bought the matches at the grocery store and had sandpaper in the garage.  One box of matches makes 3 jars.  Best of all you can just cut up the paper box the matches come in and use it for the label!  I was thinking that black sand paper might be better looking but I had the tan sheets on hand.  I'm keeping one of these for sure to use with our fire pit and grill as well.  So handy and weather proof.

I hope you are as excited as I am about the holidays.  It will be so nice to have these as little friend gifts and hostess favors.  They have been a fun craft.  What other ideas for Mason Jar gifts did this inspire?  I'm sure you crafters are already thinking of a better way to embellish and use them.  Here are some photos I snapped as I worked on these.  They show the steps a little better.  Happy crafting and blessed giving to you and yours.... Time for a tea break.  

You could even use thrift store finds for fabric


Fill with notions and supplies.

Cut out the words with pinking shears and snip out the strike strip to hot glue on the jar and lid.





Proverbs 31:13 "She looks for wool and flax, and works with her hands in delight."

Busy Day Dinners For The Week

I was making out my schedule of activities for this week and almost started crying...

It will truly be a miracle if it all gets done.  But I spent some time praying, prioritizing and planning (in that order) and I think I'm ready to hit the ground running (literally, I have to fit some exercise in somehow) tomorrow. ;)

Guess what!?! I have dinner prepared in advance for 3 nights this week, 4 if you count leftover night.  I even made dinner for another family that I know is moving this week.  I'm not super-woman!  But I do have a slow-cooker and that's my secret weapon.  The following meal recipes are make ahead, freeze, and toss it in the crockpot easy.  Each recipe makes 2 meals to feed 4 people.  So in one afternoon I made 6 meals.  It cost me $80 including supplies and took 1 hour.  But the true value lies in the fact that it's done and ready for the week.  6 gallon size freezer baggies and 6 slow cooker liners are needed to make clean up a breeze too.  Toss the contents of each bag into the crockpot frozen and cook 4 hours on high or 8 hours on low.  

Polysesian Chicken

8 boneless skinless chicken thighs

1 C scallions sliced

4 cloves garlic chopped

1 bag family size frozen corn

2 bags frozen sugar snap peas

1 red bell pepper chopped 

Divide veggies and meat in half and place in 2 baggies

Sauce:  1/2 tsp salt, 4 T honey, 4 T OJ concentrate frozen, 1/4 C soy sauce, 1T ground ginger, 1/2 tsp. sesame oil opt.  Mix and pour half over each bag of meat and veggies.  Squeeze out all air, label, and freeze.  Excellent served with rice.

BBQ Chicken Hash

4 small sweet potatos peeled and chopped

2 green bell peppers chopped

1 red bell pepper chopped

1 zucchini sliced

1 onion chopped

2 cloves garlic smashed

8 boneless skinless chicken thighs

1/2 tsp salt

Divide in half and put into 2 gallon baggies.  

Pour favorite BBQ bottled sauce over in mix up.  Sqeeze out air, label, freeze.  This is great with fresh apple sauce and yeast rolls.

Beef It Up

2 large jars of Pepperoccini peppers juice and all 

2 packets of Dry Good Seasons Italian Dressing 

2 two pound chuck roasts

1 Chopped white onion

Empty each jar of peppers into a Baggie, put half of the onion into each bag.  Sprinkle the onions and peppers with the Good Seasons packet.  Mix up and add the beef, coat well.  Squeeze out air, label,  and seal.  Freeze.  I shed this and serve it on hoaggie rolls with melted cheese on top.  

Here is the finished product ready to freeze:

I also wrapped up one of these meals to share with the family I mentioned.  She can use it whenever she's ready.  Each meal/gift cost less than $13.  

Got a busy week?  Maybe an hour of prep could help your routine a little.  Give it a try.:)