One of the things I love most about my church is that it is very good at loving on its staff. I love that they respect our family time and let us be ourselves. I love that they are responsive to leadership and have a "whatever it takes" attitude for reaching their world. I also love that the pastors are very comfortable being leaders, and yet they take input and create buy-in before getting too far out front. We have unity. We have peace. We have focus. But unity does not mean unanimity.
So from time to time, folks feel they need to share a concern, voice an opinion that is contrary, or get a clarification from one of the leaders. Today, I want to shed some light, from a pastor's home, on how to do this with grace and respect that will benefit everyone. This is insider information that I guarantee will open your pastor's heart and help your voice be heard.
1. Use email- it is the easiest point of access you will have. Resist the urge to march up to him before the service starts or to grab him in the lobby and give him an earful. We want to be sure he is ready to deliver God's message and not be a distraction to that focus. Also, don't approach him with a complaint or work related issue when you bump into him out in the community unless invited to do so. Having a church member standing over our table on a date night complaining or criticizing is not fair.
2. Sign it- most leaders will immediately discard anonymous communication. Include contact info and when it would be most convenient to contact you.
3. Avoid Monday- This is a big one. You may not know it, but monday is the lowest time for your pastor physically, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Let him recover for a day.
4. Don't let him only hear from you when you are complaining- Surely you could let him get an email from you when he does something you like too? These leaders need encouragement and gratitude too. Be just as quick to fire off a note when you are proud of him or when you've prayed over him.
5. Be respectful- Avoid sarcasm, playing the martyr, using highly emotional or insulting words and getting personal. Stick to facts with scripture to back your case. Don't scream at him by using ALL CAPS!!!!! Be sure to never try to "get to him" by going through the spouse in person, on social media, or by email. I hate that it needs to even be mentioned, but it has happened before...Please never try to communicate through a pastor's children either.
6. Have a platform- When you feel you have the "Right" to be heard, think about the following things that will lend weight to your point of view: actual formal membership in the church and in a small group, having a place of service, being a member for more than a few months, being a giver, and having a leadership role. Complaints are easier to take from a team mate.
7. Accept their authority- Know the difference between a biblical mandate and a personal preference. Be willing to accept that you may need to agree to disagree or to support a decision you have preference against.
8. Assume the best- Try to keep in mind that your pastor loves you and truly wants to lead God's church in a way that pleases Him. You can never judge someone's motives.
9. Include a positive- Before you unload your list of grievances try to include some things you love about the work he is doing or some way God has blessed you through the church. Pastors have feelings, and take everything about the church sensitively.
10. Pray- Before you hit the send button on that email, spend some time reading it out loud to check for how it may sound to the reader. Then, spend time asking God for permission to send it. Make sure that your issue is one that really needs to be addressed. Make sure your heart is right toward your leaders. Make sure your note will be constructive and edifying instead of critical and angry.
Be patient as you wait for your response. The receiver may need to do some research, pray or track down some answers for you. But you will get a response. Remember that there are thousands of you and only one of him. With respect and genuine goodwill between us we can address most issues and find we have way more in common, because we serve a common Lord. So:
"With all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
So good. Thank you for sharing these thought.
Posted by: Martha Suddreth | 04/18/2011 at 06:43 PM
This is good stuff!
Posted by: Vanessa | 04/19/2011 at 06:40 AM
God bless you for being such a wonderful "help meet" to your husband!!! Have you ever read the book Created To Be His Help Meet?
Posted by: Joy | 04/21/2011 at 06:55 AM
Been a member of BBC for a while now and each Sunday proves to be a blessing EVEN when Pastor Bruce kinda has to "step on our toes"-lol. So many times when he is preaching, I just want to applaud him or shout "amen" for his courage to preach the Word without reservation. wish more people wanted to do the same. I think alot of people are like me and want to but are just held back. I just want him to know he is TOTALLY supported by me and mine!!
Posted by: June Stewart | 04/23/2011 at 02:32 PM