I've been thinking a lot lately about authenticity. It has long been a closely held value of mine. I have taught my kids from our earliest talks, that in ministry and in private, we will be real or we will shut up. No faking. I want to be real.
I want my life to invite scrutiny not shun it. I want to communicate sincerity, humility, and love, in a way that wins hearts not excludes them. I want to be approachable and accessible like Jesus. And, like Him, I want to be relational. I want my attentiveness to others to honor the inherent preciousness in them as God's image bearers. People are repelled by insincerity, and they can smell a fake a mile away. You lose your influence if alarm bells are going off in their head similar to being approached by a snake oil salesman. Authenticity is the antidote to manipulation, co-dependency, and fear of man.
1 John 1:7-10
The Message (MSG)
6-7 If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin.
8-10 If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense.
Authenticity: Presenting your life to others in an open and honest, sincere way. Being the same you in public that you are in private. No faking the "you" that you want them to see. Integrity and wholeness in your vision, values, and goals with the way you actually live.
Transparency: Opening up all the closed doors of your life. Willingly revealing, or at least not concealing the ugly parts. Feeling safe to be completely exposed and intimate. Not feeling like you need to protect the other party when enjoying christian liberties or confessing private struggles.
Hypocrisy: Intentionally presenting yourself in a way that gives others the impression that you are further down the road of sanctification than you and God both know you really are. Claiming your values are a certain thing, but secretly living another way and excusing your sin, focusing instead on the sins of others that you feel you have mastered.
The point I want to make is that unless you are completely self deceived, living a lie is stressful. It is much easier to just be honest. It is exhausting to constantly feel you need to be putting up a front. You miss out on the grace that comes with admitting you need it. And ultimately, you will be exposed because God won't let that kind of darkness reign unaddressed.
I want to make the point that transparency is not required or even good in all areas. Transparency is far too risky to be granted freely and too precious to be demanded by those who haven't gone the distance with you in commitment to your well-being. It should be mainly be reserved for your spouse or a parent, and God. Transparency is the fruit of oneness in marriage. Transparency can also be good with a small inner circle of long time, trusted friends. It should not be with those who you are in authority over, or in leadership over, or with those who are immature and could stumble over things you reveal. Beware of folks who demand transparency too. It is not a right. It is often a manipulative ploy to invade needed boundaries of privacy. Also beware of those who unnecessarily air their "dirty laundry" or hurt feelings with harsh words under the guise of "just being honest". That is not transparency, it's bad manners.
Hypocrisy takes things even further, from hiding the truth to presenting a lie. It is rooted in pride. It is repugnant to God. It makes you a target for exposure. It hurts the body of Christ. It separates you from others instead of bonding them to you. It puts a noose on both necks: Yours because you can't keep up the image forever, and theirs because it binds them to religious sanctimony rather than relational transformation in Christ.
One of the nicest things people can tell me is that I make them feel normal... In some way, I have communicated the struggling reality of my life and they identified with it. That is what we must do, as friends and parents and leaders. Ask the Lord to help you identify areas of your life that are inauthentic. Ask Him to develope your character and integrity so that it is open and honest, yet above reproach. Ask Jesus to infuse your personality with His winsome, others-oriented, loving, inspirational attractiveness. But shelter and protect your private self. Gaurd your heart. Don't excuse it, hide it, or rationalize inconsistencies. But carefully share it transparently with a safe, trusted few who will love you no matter what and will pray for and support you on your journey to Christ-likeness.
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