No other subset of sin hurts like sexual sin. It profanes the spirit, mind and body in an exquisitely intimate and intensely brutal way. As the fleeting pleasure or release of tension leaks away, it leaves only the empty shell and broken pieces of our hearts. Our enemy burns us with our own nature and we are left with emptiness and shame. In 1 Corinthians 6:18, Paul says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” The Word of God is not saying here that sins of a sexual nature are more egregious to God's holiness. God is saying that sexual sins carry a more costly consequence. It says that this unholy gratification of a God-designed need, degrades the image of God in each of us. It corrupts the design of the creator built into each person. We see it weeping in our pews and in the antics of the desperate for love, such as girls like Miley.
Many of us, redeemed by God, bear the scars of such sin (promiscuity, adultery, divorce, incest, pornography, lust) even as we have turned from it in repentance and faith. Many of us fight a daily battle with our flesh over sexual temptation, addictions and ungodly thought processes. We have our weaknesses exploited by our enemy who seeks to lure us, destroy us and shame us.
However, in most christian communities today, if we were to admit our struggle and ask for prayers, support, accountability, and forgiveness, we would be received with open and accepting arms. They would call us brave, humble and committed to holiness. And as we demonstrated our commitment to loving Jesus and to living according to His sexual ethic in His word, we would be looked to and respected as evidence of God's redeeming love and His ability to sanctify sinners. And this is right.
But that's not the way it works for many. I'm talking about individuals who struggle with homosexuality or same sex attractions. Many of these people know Christ or are searching for Him. Many love Him and have come to grace through faith in His sacrificial death on the cross and resurrection. But they feel as though their sin or struggle is somehow more horrific and dirty than any other represented among a group of church people. I've heard the sobs of lonely people begging to be loved saying, "I did not ask to be gay. I don't want to be gay. But this is my reality. I just want to feel like I'm welcome and not disgusting." They are filled with self-loathing and we add to that by treating them like they are gross or subhuman. They can sense our discomfort with their presence and it computes as rejection even if we don't voice it as such. We place them in a position of "You can either be gay or you can be a christian, but not both". We communicate that they need to "clean up" before the show up. It's an agonizing choice for so many. They doubt God's love. They doubt His potential for forgiveness. They doubt their worth to Him and us. I read an article recently in which the author opined about why she thinks millennials are leaving the church. I disagree that they are leaving at all, but in her post she wrote that they want the church to accept gays. What I really think they want is intergity. I think what the younger generations want is compassion not compromise. They want Christians to look like Jesus. They want "gay" to be an adjective not a noun. They want us to stop the mean rants on social media. They want us to stop hiding in our protected bubble as if the world was a contagious disease and not our mission field. If our gospel is bettering lives around us, it is easier to promote as a loving answer to the ills of our culture.
I would never want you to read this and think that I would apologize for or twist God's clear communication to us about godly sexuality. He has expressed it to us in His design at creation and explicitly in His word, both prescriptively and descriptively. Our job is to call one another to obey the whole truth of God's word, gay or straight. Our job is to exhort, correct, and encourage pure and holy living... a path toward maturity. I'm not talking about extending church membership to anyone actively pursuing an ungodly lifestyle with no intention of turning from it. But where else is it more appropriate to welcome and extend love to those ravaged by sin and shame than in the confines of His Church? Where else is it more appropriate to bring our questions, our feelings, our realities than to His house?
What I am suggesting is that we repent of looking at someone else's struggles with more condemnation than we do at our own. We pick and choose certain ones we don't happen to deal with and label them as disgusting and feel superior. We need to make the circle of believers the safest place on earth for those seeking to know God. We need to make it safe for them to lay down their burdens, confess their need, reveal their junk. The Spirit will convict. The Spirit will sanctify. The Spirit will set them free. But not if we can't extend grace. Of course, not all who hear the truth will receive it. Not all will be willing to lay down their will, take up their cross or endeavor to go and sin no more. There will be some who will not be happy with anything less than full on endorsement of their lifestyle...but it's the same with straight people deceived by sin. God forbid they be able to say they were not loved, welcomed, or afforded a chance to work through the process of finding a love relationship with God through Jesus simply because of who they find attractive.
All humans experience sexual needs, by design. All of us are tempted to satisfy these needs outside of God's parameters. How could we not extend grace to a fellow human being who just wants to experience unconditional love, simply because they experience temptation in a different way than you. That love they are searching for is already given, from the heart of God. The barrier to a gay person discovering it, and the good news of the gospel, should not be Christians. Jesus was a friend to sinners. He was a shame remover, a dignity giver, and lover of souls.
A young gay christian named Wesley Hill has written a book about his experience with his sexuality and the church. It is called Washed and Waiting. It is terrifyingly honest and beautifully written. He shares about his commitment to living a life of celibacy by choice so as not to sin, because of his exclusive persistent same sex attraction. He shares about how he is supported and discipled and cheered on to finish strong by his small group within the church. And he shares about his struggle with asking God to remove his homoerotic thoughts and feelings. He also shares about the victory he lives as Jesus has transformed and sanctified him. He says that one of the ways God has ministered to his spirit is that, as he has been called to sacrifice his own will and desires for holiness, he has experienced the reward of a deeper human love than he has ever known, exhibited in the hearts and faces of his loving church family.
I want to close the post today with a quote from him:
"To engage with God as a homosexual Christian, is to find God, in Christ, to be ever-present, always watching, with ruthless, relentless, transforming grace. And one day, beyond all hopes, that grace will accomplish the ultimate transformation—changing human beings with broken sexualities and a thousand other afflictions into shining, everlastingly alive children of the resurrection.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning to do this. I am learning that my struggle to live faithfully before God in Christ with my homosexual orientation is pleasing to him. And I am waiting for the day when I will receive the divine accolade, when my labor of trust and hope and self-denial will be crowned with his praise. “Well done, good and faithful servant,” the Lord Christ will say. “Enter into the joy of your master” Until then, I'm here ...washed and waiting."
Can we reach out to those who feel the church has forsaken them? Can we repent of our unkindness? Can we make the foot of the cross a safe place to reside and let the Spirit teach and perfect? I pray that we can, I can. For the gay friends that I love and the ones who use the unkindness of christians as a reason to reject God's son, I pray we can build a bridge and open the door. So we can all be washed and waiting with hope for Christ's return. Loving as we've been loved is not compromise, it's compassion. I serve a church who does just that. I love them for it. They make me proud. Let's keep shining the light and spreading the love!
Amen, Lori!!!
Posted by: Dkonz | 08/28/2013 at 08:23 PM
Spread the love with the truth. There is no biblical basis that homosexuals were "born that way" and "have no choice". You are doing nobody a favor by confirming this assertion and allowing people to feel comfortable with what the bible defines as unnatural - Romans 1:26, 27 "Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another." You are saying that God made them in such a state they can never be truly content. This is the Biltmore way, you want the world to like you and feel that if the gospel is preached as written, that is not possible. I disagree. True compassion is explaining to them, in love, the truths of the bible and let the Holy Spirit move in their life.
Posted by: Bo Cephus | 09/04/2013 at 01:44 PM
Bo, My post never states that I believe in "allowing people to feel comfortable with what the bible defines as unnatural". I was saying that what we are all born with is a sin nature (Romans 8:8). Individuals who struggle with temptations and feelings of same sex attraction are no different than people like you or me who struggle with other desires contrary to holiness when we walk according to the flesh instead of the spirit. My post was pointing out that for many, it is a life long struggle and there should be a place for them to bring it, confess it and find support to turn from it in God's house. I want this for all of us, godly discipleship as the Spirit sanctifies, whatever the struggle.
You could not be more wrong about Biltmore or its leaders. By God's grace and for His glory, over 500 have responded to the gospel and been saved and baptized at Biltmore in the past 9 months. We love as Christ first loved us with truth and grace. Lori Frank
Posted by: Lori Frank | 09/04/2013 at 02:27 PM