It seems like once a week I threaten to quit facebook. I am in shock at all the drama. But wait, I need that platform. I have to be able to stalk my kids and share with my out of town family. I need to be able to share my blog posts. I need to be able to communicate with the groups I'm a member of on there. Guess I won't quit...I also, claim to desire feedback in the comments section of my blog...Until someone makes it personally hurtful. And twitter makes me feel so rejected sometimes when folks don't follow a sister back. I also feel inadequate when I look at all my peers and what they are sharing. I fall into the comparison/competition/idolatry trap. #myinsecuritiesareshowing.
And for me, it all gets more complicated due to my position in ministry. How do we decide where the boundaries are? How do we protect ourselves? What do we owe others as far as access goes? Is it Ok to block, delete, unfriend, unfollow? What do we share or not share? We need to find our way to guidelines we can live with. Because not using these tools to get our message out and tend our flocks is not an option anymore, if we want to engage our culture with the gospel in a relevant way.
Along the way, I've bungled and bruised my way to my own personal blueprint for building a safe, encouraging, and engaging online "Front Yard". Here are some of my Boundaries:
It's out there-I call it my front yard, because although it is my world, my intellectual private property, it's also publicly viewable. This is a key point to remember. Anything posted on the world wide web is now permanently public. It may be my photo or my emotional brain dumpage but it's now viewing fodder for anyone on planet earth with internet access. Lori Wilhite, co-author of the incredible book, "Leading and Loving It" likened social media to a billboard. "If you wouldn't want it posted on a billboard in your city or on the big screens at your church for all to see, don't share it on social media." That means, no rants or venting. It means no sarcasm, oversharing, or showing things that could cause another to stumble. I also never post my location unless it's general like being at church on Sunday Morning, until after I'm home. My husband never tweets about being out of town, for my safety while he's gone.
It's inclusive- Since I'm keeping my interactions over social media to things I don't mind being public, my personal stance is to accept all friend requests and to follow back everyone on twitter. After all, the goal is to engage. And anytime I want to share with just select friends or family, I can do that via private messages or my private email, cell phone. But, since it is my front yard, I still get to control what goes on there. Personally, If I wouldn't tolerate something in my yard, I won't tolerate it in my news feed or my twitter scroll. If posts are profane, rude, bigoted, gossipy, obscene, consistantly discouraging or confrontational, causes me to have negative emotions or is personally critical, I block. I delete. I unfriend. I unfollow...without guilt or reservation.
It's not an obligation- I do no allow it to dominate my life or infringe on my personal space. I am not able to respond to every "drive by" post on my social media sites. I don't feel an obligation to respond to all requests. I don't allow others to use my platform or visibilty to promote their pet projects or businesses. I get a profound amount of requests for pastoral care, personal counselling, and invitations to events. I am not employed by the church, nor am I qualified to counsel in more than a listening ear or scriptural viewpoint kind of way. So these kinds of requests get forwarded to the professionals at the church. I block all game app requests out of hand... no time for that nonsense. If I plan to attend an event being requested I respond, if not, I click no and do not feel obligated to explain why. I also never respond to attempts to get access to my husband through my personal sites. I require them to go through proper channels. This is my yard. I protect it just like I would if someone came into my real yard with a request. There are literally thousands of them and only one of me. I have to put our family and ministry first.
It's a place of peace- I insist on spreading and enjoying pleasant and edifying things on my social media sites. I'm not saying nobody should ever disagree with me. I just choose to keep conflict, criticism or debate out of it. I've found it is actually unproductive. I don't publish personal attacks in the comments of my blog. I don't debate issues online. I don't respond to attacks online. Even when it would feel good to be defensive, play the martyr or garner support from my faithful friends, it does no good. All it does is stir the pot of division. It is modern day cheek turning, a lesson in humility.
It's a showcase- It is a great place to inform and disciple. It is a great place to glorify God and show His movement in your ministry and personal life. It is a way to shed light on needs and promote opportunities. It is a way to provide authentic access to you with limits. It is a way to display winsomeness that attracts others to your world, your work, and your mission. It's a way include your community in your daily walk with God as you invite them to imitate you as you imitate Christ Jesus. As a leader this is valuable and useful.
It's a tricky new world out there in cyber space. Let's leverage it for the Kingdom!
Thank you Lori for a timely word, excellent advice and freedom to be guilt free when protecting our "yard". I have been struggling with starting my blog...GOD has so much to say and HE has shown me so many things that I want to share with others, but frankly after looking at the comment section on several blogs and fb pages I was questioning my plans. Thank you again for the encouragement. Proud to call you sister!
Posted by: Ginger Mosley | 09/12/2013 at 07:03 AM
Ginger, I am so thankful that my posts are connecting. Thank you for your time and your feedback. I absolutely encourage you to use blogging to get your story out there. Don't let fear of confrontation keep you from shining light on God's activity in your world! I personally would love to hear what you have to say! Just keep a finger on the delete key;) XO Lori
Posted by: Lori Frank | 09/12/2013 at 02:43 PM
Lori, thanks for sharing from your heart. Your guidelines add up to Godly integrity. You have said it well. Hopefully, many will adopt your approach.
Posted by: Words4FaithPeep | 09/12/2013 at 08:02 PM