Sweet tea by Lori Frank

I'll Never Be A Great Blogger

    The longer I live, the more I realize how futile it is to try to fit life, my plans, my theology into a neat little orderly kit to carry around with ready-made responses.  Don't misunderstand.  I'm not saying there are no black and white issues, rights and wrongs, lost and saved, good and evil, God and not gods.  I'm just saying that the longer and harder I try to know God, His infinite heart and unchanging perfection, the more I realize that I have yet to scratch the surface on all He is.  

    And yet, He has stooped to choose me and call me as one who would humbly engage my culture and attempt to speak for Him, teaching scripture and making disciples.  So I seem to always feel like I need to have a "take" on current issues or events.  I feel like folks are waiting on me as a leader to weigh in on controversial subjects.  I always want to seize teaching opportunites or chances to take new ground for the kingdom or to demonstrate that being a Jesus follower is the only real way to make life work.  

    But as I grow, or perhaps, mellow with age... I find that I'm loath to jump in during the heat of a moment.  It must be from years of having to eat my words or see the scars they've caused in my rear view mirror.  Or maybe I've learned that keeping my mouth shut makes me seem wise when I'm really just as bewildered as everyone else.  Or maybe just chicken of being opposed or missunderstood or misquoted.  

    I've found there are two camps of extremes.  Just like when Hollywood turned the Bible into a miniseries... Grace leaners were over the moon about seekers finding truth and law leaners were quick to point out the slightest inaccuracy in the script.  Both were trigger quick to take their opinions to the web, the water cooler , and the airwaves.  But I found myself wondering what it all must look like to the non-churchy folk.  Wondering if maybe we should be more concerned about positioning ourselves in their lives so that if God spoke, we'd be there to offer a hand or point the way.  

Unfortunately, non-polarizing middle ground doesn't sell books or produce thousands of blog hits... But where I live, with my sleeves rolled up and my hand to the plow of local nitty gritty ministry, it's the fine line I walk when tragedy strikes or our country is attacked or the next fill in the blank  controversy is raised.  You have the "Give thanks for all things" and "Weep with those who weep" sentiments of grace giver types like Ann Voskamp or Rick Warren.  But the other end of the spectrum is the "It's better than we  deserve" reformed  elitists  like John Piper and John MacArthur.  Or the  "that theology is abusive"  knee-jerk, anti-establishment pot-stirring rant-makers, like Rachel Held Evans ...as they all blog, tweet, facebook and speak to the media.  I'm closer to the former crowd, but do I really have to pick a team?  I choose team "Shut up and pray!", or team "How can I help?".

    If you are within the sphere of my influence, or the sound of my voice, or the stroke of my touch know this:  God will not be figured out but He can be known.  God's actions either by direct influence or by allowances, are always perfect and always steeped in love.  God wants us to be His ambassadors calling all men to repent, without timidity.  God wants us to lay down our rights and our comfort and our agendas to meet needs.  

We need to talk things out and talk others through it.  We need to remember lost people act lost.  We need to scour the Word and know what it says, and doesn't say.  We need to fall down in tears/prayers with burdens for others when we realize that but for grace it could be us.  We need to be gentle and compassionate and quick to take action to meet a need.  We need to speak up, and know when to be silent.  We need to be uncompromising with the essentials of the truth but show humility in dealing with the mysteries of God hidden, for now, in the gray areas, and yes there are gray areas.  We need to look evil in the face, or in the mirror, and stare it down with the confidence of an assured victor;   knowing this world is not our home and that He will complete His sovereign will as sure as the dawn.  

    I guess I'm just figuring out that I don't have it in me anymore, no more dog with a bone tenacity and self-assuredness.  It was once said about me that "She's not always right but she's never in doubt".  Well, I've grown.  Apparently the beginning of humilty is to know what you don't know, and for me that's a lot!  I don't know why daddies must stand in the rain waiting to recieve that body of his crushed 9 year old who he just dropped off at school.  I don't know why children would be blown up at a race to celebrate life.  I don't know... you name it... abuse, addiction, cancer, depression, bankruptcy, loss, abandonment, betrayal, war, terror, oppression, racism, poverty, distorted sexuality, slander, violence...I. Don't. Know.  

    But I do know that nobody wins a blame game.  I know that the world wants to see a little less talk and a lot more action.  I know I have a lot to learn and I need Jesus to teach me.  I'm in over my head.  But, I know I can trust Him even as I fear Him.  I know He's our only Hope, the Source of Life, the Pearl of Great Price.  

And I know I want to make THAT my mission, my trademark, and my legacy...not this blog.

In the Name of the Great Physician: First Do No Harm

            Can we remove particular political ideology from an equation long enough to address a serious challenge facing Christians today?  I’m very burdened by something that I see happening.  I see, more and more, where those of us who are supposed to be making disciples and building the kingdom of Heaven, are at enmity with a growing segment of the population to which we are called to be ambassadors.

            I am referring to the homosexual community, of course.  And, the principal I want to talk about is how to know the difference between hurt and harm.  A doctor may do surgery to save you.  It will hurt.  But it will not harm.  In teaching and preaching God’s sexual ethic as stated in scripture, we will no doubt create the angst brought on by the Spirit with conviction for both gay and straight.  The gospel and God’s subsequent call to Lordship and Holiness is by nature confrontational, demanding, and universally unachievable apart from grace.  And yet, it is still called the “good news”.  It hurts, but it does not harm.  Why? Because it offers relationship, power, hope, and restoration. 

            I believe there will always be a group of those in the LGBT community who will shun our attempts to reach out unless we compromise or endorse fully their lifestyle.  They may even fire back with unkindness, misunderstanding or derision.  But there is also a throng of gay men and women who do long for the love of a spiritual community.  And there are also thousands already a part of our congregations who are identifying as gay or secretly struggling with same sex attractions. 

            If we truly believe that Christ died for all and that He desires for all to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth (I Tim. 2:4) we need to be aware of harmful practices to avoid as we extend the gospel in Jesus’ name.  Here are some big ones:

1.  Ranking sin- The Bible does teach that sexual sin carries heavier scars as a consequence.  But that is true of all sexual sin.  We need to rebuke all self-righteousness with our ranks that categorizes homosexuality as any more offensive to God’s holy standard than lust, pornographic addiction, adultery, fornication, and divorce.  It’s easy to look down on those who struggle with something if you don’t.  But we must remember the sin in the mirror is just as vile to God.  Ranking sin harms.

2.  Hateful language- There is no place among God’s bride for harmful or disgusting homophobic epithets.  “Gay” is an adjective, not a noun.  I won’t give examples, but you know the words I’m talking about.  Remember that people are precious to God and deserve to be given respect and dignity.  Not speaking up and rebuking this kind of foul talk is just as bad as engaging in it.  Hateful language harms.

3.  Ignorance-  Sexuality is all wrapped up in our identity.  That is why this is so sensitive and so complicated.  This is why it hurts so bad when people feel we have condemned them. We need to get to know and befriend unconditionally people who are different from us.  We then realize we have more in common than we thought possible.  We need to stop judging the feelings, motives and desires people have, however corrupted by the fall.   Instead, we must address their hearts and actions with the gospel, through the saving relationship Jesus offers.   And we do this as we unashamedly call all men to repent and surrender to His Lordship.  Same sex attraction may be a lifelong struggle, but it does not have to preclude a Christian walk that pleases God anymore than a heterosexual lifelong struggle with and propensity to lust does.  The sanctification process is God’s job.  Ignorance harms. 

4.  Letter of the Law-  Each church will have its own bi-laws and policies for church membership.  No body of believers should base membership on perfection, but nor should it be extended to individuals who have no intention of fleeing immorality or insist on practicing sin.  That would sully the Bride.  But it is important to keep doors open.  It is important to keep communication going and always welcoming.  Never tear down a bridge back to God’s grace.  Let’s make our fellowship a safe place to confess struggles and honest questions in the fear of God.  Bear with one-another. Pray for one another.  Encourage one another.  But never allow someone to be shamed.  Shame is the Devil’s tool.  Jesus and His people cover shame and replace it with unconditional love in grace and truth.  Legalism harms.

            There is no way to prevent truth from hurting, but God is redemptive in everything He does.  We should not cut off the flow of that redemptive work by inflicting harm either through judgmental pride, ignorance or fear of the world.  If we are ever going to reach our world, we are going to have to reach across those lines we drew in the sand and extend a humble and harmless hand of Jesus’ Love. 

 

 

 

How To Choose Your Church

    How does one go about choosing a church?  The pat answer most would give is, "I chose this church because I felt this was the one God called me to."  Well, great.  I can't argue with that.  But actually, most church members made their choice on a practical level as well.  

 Most people actually choose their church based on factors such as:

Traditional upbringing- Your family has been in this church/denomination for 6 generations.  

Worship asthetic preference- You like this type of Music, architecture/decor, litergy, lighting, length...etc.

Programming- They have specific ministries for kids, Teens, or mission emphasis, arts

Preaching style- You prefer the pastor to be Teaching topically, expositorially, "Hell, Fire, & Brimstone"...Etc.

Leadership style- You desire your pastor to be available to me and my needs as opposed to other staff care-givers.  

Proximity to home- You need to be in your neighborhood, I don't mind driving a ways...

Size- You like a church to be big, small, in-between, multi-campus

Peers- You like a church to be similar to me in ethnicity, socio-economically, age, or education level

Feel-  You like a welcoming friendly church, or You like a casual come as you are feel, Maybe you like a formal style

All these are extremely valid as far as comfort level goes.  They should be factored in for sure!  But they are, in my opinion, secondary to more foundational concerns.  Here are some real big issues to examine when looking for a church that will feed you, challenge you, and help fulfill your calling:

1.  Look at the doctrine-  Is it Biblical?  Carefully go through the doctrinal statement most churches post on their website.  Are there small groups for all ages that meet to study the word of God and live in community? This goes beyond the label and brand.  

2.  Is the worship vertical?-  Whatever the worship style, the focus should be on addressing God personally.  It should lean away from performance/observation and toward engagement of the congregation in authentic expressions that glorify God.  

3.  Is it growing?  How?-  All things that are healthy grow.  A church that is stagnated or declining is a bad sign.  Is the congregation and is the leadership commited to remaining culturally relevant or are they refusing to change?  Do they welcome new folks?  Are the believers that go there changing to be more and more like Jesus everyday? Life change is constant in a healthy church.  Are they reaching new people?  Is the numerical growth due to winning new believers or just swapping sheep that got mad at the church down the road?  

4.  What is the Baptism to Budget ratio?-  How many souls were won compared to membership and dollars is a good indicator of health.  I recently saw a report on a church with 1000 members and a 9 million dollar budget that only baptized 7 people in one year!  That is not a Biblical model.

5.  Is there a well defined mission?-  The whole body should be able to enunciate the vision of the church.  All programming  should revolve around this central purpose.  Are the people being equipped to serve?  Why do they exist?  What are they doing with the edification they receive there?  If the church disappeared tomorrow would the community even miss it?  

Choosing a church is a highly personal decision and should not be taken lightly.  Once you do find one, though, you need to go ahead and join.  Get plugged in with a small group.  Find a place of service.  Support it with your resources.  Build the kingdom there.  Don't just consume, contribute.  There is nothing more fulfilling and edifying that joining ranks with others who have found grace.  

How did you know your church was "the one"?  Are there other factors to consider that I did not cover?  What do you think? I'd love to hear from you in the comments of this blog.  Feel free to share this artical with others, especially ones still looking for a place to call home.  

 

 

 

 

 

Tattoo or Taboo?

    Ok!  Here Goes.  I'm diving right in to what is a very sensitive and controversial subject, even among my own family members.  The question is: should christians get tattoos?

    Let me preface my remarks here.  This is a blog featuring my humble opinions and is not meant to cast judgement one way or another on the decisions of others who have tattoos.  This post is mainly meant to help others who are counseling kids, friends, or relatives about this issue or are struggling with the decision themselves.  

    The Bible says in Leviticus 19:28, "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord."  It is important to point out, however, that the context of this verse is toward the Israelites not participating in pagan religious rituals being practiced by the people groups around them, thus leading them into idolatry.  It's interesting that the verses before this forbid eating un-kosher meats and cutting the hair of ones temples.  Most anti-tattoo folks have no problem with either of these practices.  Ha!

    The only scriptural way to evaluate this issue is as explained in Romans 14, as a disputable matter.  God has given us a means to judge our individual motives and weigh our decisions in life.  Romans 14:23 states, "...everything that does not come from faith is sin."   So I think the best way to deal with the idea of tattoos is to ask what is right for you and those you are in authority over based on faith and your relationship with God.  Let others do the same.  

    As you evaluate your own heart about this decision you may want to take a brief self-inventory:

1.  Does my conscience convict me over this?  

2.  If I don't have the freedom of conscience myself, am I judging others unfairly who do?

3.  Will my actions cause a weaker brother or sister ( or future child) to stumble due to my influence?

4.  Do I want this tattoo in order to tease or entice sexually those to whom I am not married?

5.  Do I want this tattoo because of an image I want to project that does not bring glory to God?  Who am I copying?  

6.  Do I want this tattoo because of rebelliousness in my heart?  Is it "anti" anything?

7.  Is this the best way for me to spend my money?  

8.  Can my tattoo bring honor to God?  Will it help my witness?  

Will I still be glad I have it when I'm older and my body changes?

9.  Do those in authority over me give their blessing?  Will my future mate be glad I have it?

10.  Will my tattoo harm my professional image in the future?  Is it in a location that let's me cover it if desired?  Will is close doors or open them?

Many friends I know with tattoos use an image that expresses their love for The Lord.  Others got their tattoo to commemorate a special event or loved one.  Others just wanted to express their individuality with beautiful artwork.  If your desire for a tattoo can pass the test of conscience and wisdom and submission, then I can not find a biblical reason to discourage you.  Just remember to use a reputable artist who practices a safe and sterile application.  And, be ready to live with it as long as you live.  Be careful...

Jesus or Politics

     Few things get the people of these united states more divided than politics.  Our nation is pretty much split right down the middle in terms of political, social, moral and economic ideology.  My personal convictions and opinions fall fairly consistently within the conservative camp especially regarding the sanctity of human life.  I am an active and passionate participant in the voting process.  I am current on various candidate's platforms and exercise my freedom in all elections to vote my conscience and encourage others to do the same.  

    So, that said, what you won't see me do is use the leadership platform I've cultivated in the church, on social media, or in my beloved community to rant, rally or rave about specific political situations, people, or issues.  There are many reasons why I've made this decision.  Here are just a few.  

1.  Research-  Data indicates that our culture today views "The Church" as "Too Political".  I don't believe it actually is, because most churches or pastors are not ranting about candidates or policies from the pulpits, although I know it does happen some.  I think it is percieved to be, because most unchurched people's only view of the church is the individual members or the leaders they see outside the walls of the church.  When our community looks at our dogmatic tweets or facebook page cartoon insulting the president or sees us boycotting a business or sporting a sarcastic bumper sticker on our family minivan, they don't see it as coming from you personally.  They see it as coming from "The Church" or "Christianity".  This is tragic when you may be the only current link between them and the gospel message.  You've just insulted, hurt and alienated one half of your target audience for the good news of the gospel.  I'm not ashamed of my views.  I'm not too cowardly to state my moral and spiritual reasons behind them either when asked.  But I choose to use my influence for the thing that matters most, penetrating my culture with Jesus, not my stance on certain societal issues.  

2.  My Life's Footprint-  When one looks back at my legacy at the end of my days on the earth, I want there to be a continuous flow of information left behind that is based in absolute truth, the eternal word of God and the love of the everlasting souls of the people my influence touched.  So it is important to me to tailor the talking points of my platform to be consistent with that and that alone.  Snarky quips and forwarded op-eds will not pass the test of eternity.  

3.  Jesus' Example-  Jesus was divinely birthed into a geo-political simmering pot.  He lived in the middle of a foreign occupation with oppression.  He travelled among a culture that was deeply divided along racial, gender and religious sectarian lines.  There were tremendous social rumblings about the economic stresses and clashes of the haves and the have-nots.  The culture was also being eroded by sin and secularism, as is ours.  Yet, Jesus used His limited earthly lifespan to address the root issues not the political ones.  He dealt with legalism, pride and hypocrisy in the religious community.  He addressed hunger and health needs.  He loved on children.  He developed leaders.  He preached redemption by grace through faith.  He did not shy away from stating black and white truths.  He did not defer to political correctness in that He clearly stated that He was the Only Way to God.  But He loved in word and deed without taking a political side, other than to instruct His followers to obey the law of the land to submit to and respect authority.  Instead, He embraced His culture and the result was that He changed it for the better.  We later see the idol makers of the greco-roman society going out of business.  We see the family reintegrated and rescued from the moral degeneration of the Hedonistic Roman world.  We see widows, orphans, and the sick/lame cared for.  We see women dignified and honored instead of owned and degraded.  And we see it said of the followers of that day that they were know by their love...Their love, not their ideology or political leanings.  His disciples were brave and bold where it counted for eternity, where souls and the gospel message were on the line... And the Church flourished, even amidst intense persecution.  And they changed the world.  This is my dream.  This is what I want the collective message of my life to shout:  Jesus Saves!

In his God- Breathed explaination of what the fruit of a spirit-filled life looks like, in Galatians, the apostle Paul lists the attributes of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.  He ends the list with the phrase, "Against such things there is no law."  Dear friends, the Christian life is meant to transcend politics and earthly governmental frameworks.  When we focus on that kind of living, we can change our world. By touching hearts with the One who can and will rule justly forevermore.   "Thy kingdome come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven".  Amen.  

Vision: The Key To Breaking Barriers In Leadership

    A young leader sat across from me in obvious discouragement recently.  Frustration, cynicism, and resentment were written all over her.  She told a story I've heard or watched play out in ministry lives too many times to be ignored.  She was meeting up with resistance in her mission.  She was struggling to gain momentum.  She was having trouble recruiting help.  She was getting criticism and whiffs of grumbling everywhere she turned.  People within the ranks were resisting change.  Team members were failing to fulfill commitments.  She felt completely unbonded to her troups.  Success was a pipedream.  

    Her conclusion?  "I'm not cut out for leadership.  I quit."  Many more times I've heard the conclusion, "These people are too stiff necked and unsubmissive."  or "I need to move on to the next church or next ministry team and see if they will be easier to lead."  If someone doesn't come alongside a leader who is foundering like this, they either will quit and live under that failure, forever afraid to lead again, or they we come to resent the very flock they are there to tend.  Either way, the kingdom loses.  

    Whether you are new to leadership or just struggling to break through to a bigger level of responsibility or bigger playing field, I want to share a game changing tip that set me free from this discouraging trap early on in my development as a leader.  After a complete meltdown and cry session one night after dinner, my wise and gifted husband said in a firm but gentle voice, "Honey, God's people are never the problem.  God's resources are never too small and His children will want to do what He wants if they understand what they're fighting for or giving to.  If the kingdom is not growing, the leader is the issue.  If you're in over your head, it's time to grow and develope.  It's time to reinvent yourself.  Stop blaming them and step up your game.  Vision is where you start.  If you don't do this, you will be stuck like this."  Boom!  I knew immediately he was right.  I'd watched him grow in that very way, taking his church to victory after victory for God's glory.  He's a born leader.  But I had to be taught.;)

    So here's the principal:  When you encounter resistance to change, lack of cooperation, division, doubt, unfaithfulness or chaos among the team you are leading, The vision is not getting caught. Go back to the vision, pick up your team and take them with you.

    And Here are the first steps to take to reinvent yourself:

1.  Make sure you've heard from God-  Know where you are going and burn that finished product in your heart.  Be sure you are lining up with the authorities over you first.  For example, your vision should be the same and be guided by the vision of your senior pastor.  Know where you want to go, know why, know how.  

2.  Present the vision on a large scale-  Use God's word.  The Spirit is a better leader than we are.  Let Him speak.  Assume your leadership position with humility but boldness.  People need to feel confident in following you.  Never miss an opportunity to draw focus on and reinforce the vision.  Cast it over and above what you think is adequate and recast it if you meet resistance.  

3.  Present the vision individually-  Identify legitemizers in the group.  Find stable, trustworthy, godly, and mature folks with history in the group.  Spend time speaking the vision into them.  Keep them bought in and you'll have the support of the whole.  Recruit these folks to help you project the vision and inform of rationale.  They will help you monitor morale and encourage others to trust you. 

4.  Identify other leaders and develope them-  Always have someone you are developing. Have them partnering with you and learning from you.  Instill vision in them and inspire them.  Your organization will never grow until you learn to give the ministry away through recruiting, training and motivating other leaders to expand the work. This requires an investment at the individual and personal level.  

5.  Communicate commitment-  To a certain extent, when a follower buys into your vision, they are buying in to you.  To do this, they need to know you and observe your life.  They need to trust you to give you their loyalty.  Be winsome.  Be organized, prepared and focused. Be the hardest worker on the team.  Absorb the blame and deflect the credit.  Respect their time, money, individual makeup and dignity.  

So often, I see people trying to lead through assigning tasks.  They jump over vision and go straight for the job.  This makes you their boss but not their leader.  This is especially hard to pull off when leading an army of volunteers who aren't looking to be bossed.  It is especially hard when leading young adults who want impact not hierarchy.  It is even harder when trying to lead seniors who might be resistant to new things.  But vision opens heart and unites us all around a common purpose.  When that happens, God's people are willing to give and give some more.  They are willing to sacrifice personal preferences and agendas.  They are unstoppable and you will be too!  Vision is the key to great leadership.  

"Where there is no prophetic vision, the people cast off restraint, But blessed is he who keeps the law."  Prov 29:18

Cyber Boundaries: Navigating the blurred lines of Social Media

    It seems like once a week I threaten to quit facebook.  I am in shock at all the drama.  But wait, I need that platform.  I have to be able to stalk my kids and share with my out of town family.  I need to be able to share my blog posts.  I need to be able to communicate with the groups I'm a member of on there.  Guess I won't quit...I also, claim to desire feedback in the comments section of my blog...Until someone makes it personally hurtful.  And twitter makes me feel so rejected sometimes when folks don't follow a sister back.  I also feel inadequate when I look at all my peers and what they are sharing.  I fall into the comparison/competition/idolatry  trap.   #myinsecuritiesareshowing.  

    And for me, it all gets more complicated due to my position in ministry.  How do we decide where the boundaries are?  How do we protect ourselves?  What do we owe others as far as access goes?  Is it Ok to block, delete, unfriend, unfollow?  What do we share or not share?  We need to find our way to guidelines we can live with.  Because not using these tools to get our message out and tend our flocks is not an option anymore, if we want to engage our culture with the gospel in a relevant way.  

    Along the way, I've bungled and bruised my way to my own personal blueprint for building a safe, encouraging, and engaging online "Front Yard".  Here are some of my Boundaries:

It's out there-I call it my front yard, because although it is my world, my intellectual private property, it's also publicly viewable.  This is a key point to remember.  Anything posted on the world wide web is now permanently public.  It may be my photo or my emotional brain dumpage but it's now viewing fodder for anyone on planet earth with internet access.  Lori Wilhite, co-author of the incredible book, "Leading and Loving It" likened social media to a billboard.  "If you wouldn't want it posted on a billboard in your city or on the big screens at your church for all to see, don't share it on social media."  That means, no rants or venting.  It means no sarcasm, oversharing, or showing things that could cause another to stumble.  I also never post my location unless it's general like being at church on Sunday Morning, until after I'm home.    My husband never tweets about being out of town, for my safety while he's gone.  

It's inclusive-  Since I'm keeping my interactions over social media to things I don't mind being public, my personal stance is to accept all friend requests and to follow back everyone on twitter.  After all, the goal is to engage.  And anytime I want to share with just select friends or family, I can do that via private messages or my private email, cell phone.  But, since it is my front yard, I still get to control what goes on there.  Personally, If I wouldn't tolerate something in my yard, I won't tolerate it in my news feed or my twitter scroll.  If posts are profane, rude, bigoted, gossipy, obscene, consistantly discouraging or confrontational, causes me to have negative emotions or is  personally critical, I block.  I delete.  I unfriend.  I unfollow...without guilt or reservation.

It's not an obligation- I do no allow it to dominate my life or infringe on my personal space.  I am not able to respond to every "drive by" post on my social media sites.  I don't feel an obligation to respond to all requests.  I don't allow others to use my platform or visibilty to promote their pet projects or businesses.  I get a profound amount of requests for pastoral care, personal counselling, and invitations to events.  I am not employed by the church, nor am I qualified to counsel in more than a listening ear or scriptural viewpoint kind of way.  So these kinds of requests get forwarded to the professionals at the church.  I block all game app requests out of hand... no time for that nonsense.  If I plan to attend an event being requested I respond, if not, I click no and do not feel obligated to explain why.  I also never respond to attempts to get access to my husband through my personal sites.  I require them to go through proper channels.  This is my yard.  I protect it just like I would if someone came into my real yard with a request.  There are literally thousands of them and only one of me.  I have to put our family and ministry first.  

It's a place of peace-  I insist on spreading and enjoying pleasant and edifying things on my social media sites.  I'm not saying nobody should ever disagree with me.  I just choose to keep conflict, criticism or debate out of it.  I've found it is actually unproductive.  I don't publish personal attacks in the comments of my blog.  I don't debate issues online.  I don't respond to attacks online.  Even when it would feel good to be defensive, play the martyr or garner support from my faithful friends, it does no good.  All it does is stir the pot of division.  It is modern day cheek turning, a lesson in humility.  

It's a showcase-  It is a great place to inform and disciple.  It is a great place to glorify God and show His movement in your ministry and personal life.  It is a way to shed light on needs and promote opportunities.  It is a way to provide authentic access to you with limits.  It is a way to display winsomeness that attracts others to your world, your work, and your mission.  It's a way include your community in your daily walk with God as you invite them to imitate you as you imitate Christ Jesus.  As a leader this is valuable and useful.  

It's a tricky new world out there in cyber space.  Let's leverage it for the Kingdom!  

Compassion Without Compromise

     No other subset of sin hurts like sexual sin.  It profanes the spirit, mind and body in an exquisitely intimate and intensely brutal way. As the fleeting pleasure or release of tension leaks away, it leaves only the empty shell and broken pieces of our hearts.  Our enemy burns us with our own nature and we are left with emptiness and shame.  In 1 Corinthians 6:18, Paul says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”  The Word of God is not saying here that sins of a sexual nature are more egregious to God's holiness.  God is saying that sexual sins carry a more costly consequence.  It says that this unholy gratification of a God-designed need, degrades the image of God in each of us.  It corrupts the design of the creator built into each person.  We see it weeping in our pews and in the antics of the desperate for love, such as girls like Miley.  

     Many of us, redeemed by God, bear the scars of such sin (promiscuity, adultery, divorce, incest, pornography, lust) even as we have turned from it in repentance and faith.  Many of us fight a daily battle with our flesh over sexual temptation, addictions and ungodly thought processes.  We have our weaknesses exploited by our enemy who seeks to lure us, destroy us and shame us.  

     However, in most christian communities today, if we were to admit our struggle and ask for prayers, support, accountability, and forgiveness, we would be received with open and accepting arms.  They would call us brave, humble and committed to holiness.  And as we demonstrated our commitment to loving Jesus and to living according to His sexual ethic in His word, we would be looked to and respected as evidence of God's redeeming love and His ability to sanctify sinners.  And this is right.  

     But that's not the way it works for many.  I'm talking about individuals who struggle with homosexuality or same sex attractions.  Many of these people know Christ or are searching for Him.  Many love Him and have come to grace through faith in His sacrificial death on the cross and resurrection.  But they feel as though their sin or struggle is somehow more horrific and dirty than any other represented among a group of church people.  I've heard the sobs of lonely people begging to be loved saying, "I did not ask to be gay.  I don't want to be gay.  But this is my reality. I just want to feel like I'm welcome and not disgusting."  They are filled with self-loathing and we add to that by treating them like they are gross or subhuman.  They can sense our discomfort with their presence and it computes as rejection even if we don't voice it as such.  We place them in a position of "You can either be gay or you can be a christian, but not both".  We communicate that they need to "clean up" before the show up. It's an agonizing choice for so many.  They doubt God's love.  They doubt His potential for forgiveness.  They doubt their worth to Him and us.  I read an article recently in which  the author opined about why she thinks millennials are leaving the church.  I disagree that they are leaving at all, but in her post she wrote that they want the church to accept gays.  What I really think they want is intergity.  I think what the younger generations want is compassion not compromise.  They want Christians to look like Jesus.  They want "gay" to be an  adjective not a noun.  They want us to stop the mean rants on social media.  They want us to stop hiding in our protected bubble as if the world was a contagious disease and not our mission field.  If our gospel is bettering lives around us, it is easier to promote as a loving answer to the ills of our culture.  

     I would never want you to read this and think that I would apologize for or twist God's clear communication to us about godly sexuality.  He has expressed it to us in His design at creation and explicitly in His word, both prescriptively and descriptively.  Our job is to call one another to obey the whole truth of God's word, gay or straight.  Our job is to exhort, correct, and encourage pure and holy living... a path toward maturity.  I'm not talking about extending church membership to anyone actively pursuing an ungodly lifestyle with no intention of turning from it.  But where else is it more appropriate to welcome and extend love to those ravaged by sin and shame than in the confines of His Church?  Where else is it more appropriate to bring our questions, our feelings, our realities than to His house?  

   What I am suggesting is that we repent of looking at someone else's struggles with more condemnation than we do at our own.  We pick and choose certain ones we don't happen to deal with and label them as disgusting and feel superior.  We need to make the circle of believers the safest place on earth for those seeking to know God.  We need to make it safe for them to lay down their burdens, confess their need, reveal their junk.  The Spirit will convict.  The Spirit will sanctify.  The Spirit will set them free.  But not if we can't extend grace.  Of course, not all who hear the truth will receive it.  Not all will be willing to lay down their will, take up their cross or endeavor to go and sin no more.  There will be some who will not be happy with anything less than full on endorsement of their lifestyle...but it's the same with straight people deceived by sin.  God forbid they be able to say they were not loved, welcomed, or afforded a chance to work through the process of finding a love relationship with God through Jesus simply because of who they find attractive.  

     All humans experience sexual needs, by design.  All of us are tempted to satisfy these needs outside of God's parameters.  How could we not extend grace to a fellow human being who just wants to experience unconditional love, simply because they experience temptation in a different way than you. That love they are searching for is already given, from the heart of God.  The barrier to a gay person discovering it, and the good news of the gospel,  should not be Christians.  Jesus was a friend to sinners.  He was a shame remover, a dignity giver, and lover of souls.  

     A young gay christian named Wesley Hill has written a book about his experience with his sexuality and the church.  It is called Washed and Waiting.  It is terrifyingly honest and beautifully written.  He shares about his commitment to living a life of celibacy by choice so as not to sin, because of his exclusive persistent same sex attraction.  He shares about how he is supported and discipled and cheered on to finish strong by his small group within the church.  And he shares about his struggle with asking God to remove his homoerotic thoughts and feelings.  He also shares about the victory he lives as Jesus has transformed and sanctified him.  He says that one of the ways God has ministered to his spirit is that, as he has been called to sacrifice his own will and desires for holiness, he has experienced the reward of a deeper human love than he has ever known, exhibited in the hearts and faces of his loving church family.  

I want to close the post today with a quote from him:

"To engage with God as a homosexual Christian, is to find God, in Christ, to be ever-present, always watching, with ruthless, relentless, transforming grace. And one day, beyond all hopes, that grace will accomplish the ultimate transformation—changing human beings with broken sexualities and a thousand other afflictions into shining, everlastingly alive children of the resurrection.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning to do this. I am learning that my struggle to live faithfully before God in Christ with my homosexual orientation is pleasing to him. And I am waiting for the day when I will receive the divine accolade, when my labor of trust and hope and self-denial will be crowned with his praise. “Well done, good and faithful servant,” the Lord Christ will say. “Enter into the joy of your master”  Until then, I'm here ...washed and waiting."

     Can we reach out to those who feel the church has forsaken them?  Can we repent of our unkindness?  Can we make the foot of the cross a safe place to reside and let the Spirit teach and perfect?  I pray that we can, I can.  For the gay friends that I love and the ones who use the unkindness of christians as a reason to reject God's son, I pray we can build a bridge and open the door.  So we can all be washed and waiting with hope for Christ's return.  Loving as we've been loved is not compromise, it's compassion.  I serve a church who does just that.  I love them for it.  They make me proud.  Let's keep shining the light and spreading the love!  

 

Leadership: The Commodity of Trust

"The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and good conscience and a sincere faith"

I Timothy 1:5

This fall I will be entering into a mentoring relationship with a small group of female leaders.  I am so excited about this opportunity to pour into these women and hopefully develope, inspire, encourage and support them as leaders as we work together in our many differing roles in the church for the sake of the gospel.  

This hand picked group will include support staff, key director level leaders, worship leaders, pastors' wives and influential lay leadership.  This will be a pilot group to see if this addition would be a helpful and productive method of living out Titus 2 in our church.

One key role of a leader that I have seen become a powerful tool is establishing trust.  The trust of those you are leading is a precious commodity.  Without it, your mission will be hindered.  Here are some basic observations I've made and things I've learned about trust over the years as God has devloped me as an often times reluctant leader.  

1.  Earn trust through vision:  A leader needs to create a concensus of purpose and help others have a clear mental picture of the result of what following you to that end will look like.  You cannot over-cast a vision.  Never miss an opportunity to define it and proclaim it.  They need to be inspired and motivated to follow you toward a shared goal.  Vision brings energy and motivation to the tasks.  They need to trust that you will ask them to join you at the tasks because of the extreme value of the result (God's glory and man's salvation), not because of your position of authority.  

2.  Earn trust through integrity:  A leader needs to be able to display authentic christlike purity of deed and of motivation.  They need to build in accountabiltiy and moral/emotional/spiritual guardrails.  They need to remain above reproach and never pretend to be beyond question.  Show them that your motivation is not for personal gain or self promotion, but for seeking the Kingdom and His righteousness.  Comminicate to  your followers your desire to live holy and how important it is to you that they be able to rely on your walk with God being up to date.  

3.  Earn trust through visibility:  Be active in the culture of the church as a whole and in the community.  Be present.  Let them see you at the schools, the stores, they gym, the social gathering outside of your local ministry area.  Be one of them.  This also goes for not just being visible in your area of expertise.  An example of this would be, that a worship leader who desires the congregation to trust them enough to follow them into deeper more vulnerable worship  expressions will need to establish themselves as trustworthy in more areas than just the platform during a service.  They would need to be visible and accessible and serving across the entire life of the church.  They would need to build personal connections in areas outside the music ministry etc... 

4.  Earn trust through longevity:  Just be there.  Be there for a long time.  Jim Henry said it takes about 5 years for a congregation to fully bond with a new leader.  Sadly, many ministry relationships never last that long.  Being faithful, battling for the kingdom, forgiving and forgetting, pushing toward a goal, over time wins hearts.  Comfort is established through familiarity.  Don't be cashing in chips without building buy-in via a track record of history behind you.  Stick it out.  

5.  Earn trust through vulnerabiltiy:  Be willing to risk a certain degree of transparency.  Admit you don't know.  Ask for help.  Confess doubt, weakness, and imperfections.  Be willing to absorb blame and deflect glory.  Don't shirk the dirty work.  Sharing your need for grace will make them see you as normal, relatable.  Don't over-share or air your dirty laundry.  Revere the dignity of your office and protect it's honor.  But, be real.  Show emotion.  Stay humble.  Don't allow yourself to be put on a pedistal.  Take off your mask.  They will be moved by the struggle as much as by the victory.